I doubt he knows....

....how much the little things he does make a difference to me. As I've said before, he's retraining me to understand that a guy can be honest and upfront, and not have anything hidden. In my past, many men have been deceitful and dishonest. Not answering the phone during prime calling time meant there was something to hide. I'm unlearning that.

New Fella is very "what you see is what you get." In the discussion I witnessed with son and his girlfriend, New Fella made reference to having been someone who lied in the past, and that he just won't do it for anyone, for any reason, anymore. I think about that when I start getting insecure and paranoid about little things. Like him not calling, or not returning messages, or not answering his phone.

I was worried about him last night. We had a front blow in, with high winds. The road he travels home is considered the most dangerous in the state because of the number of accidents each year. It's a winding road, traveled heavily by large trucks. Wind makes it very difficult to navigate. And he is very tired at the end of the day right now, after basketball practice. And he's in pain, from arthritis in his knees and ankles that's aggravated by the playing surface.

When it was almost time for him to be on the road, I sent a text. "Looks like nasty winds up there. Please be careful on the road home. Talk later." I finally called at 8:00. No answer. I left a message. Once I leave a message, I'm not calling again. I won't be that pesky call-call-call kind of girl!

When I went to bed at 10:30, without a call, I was a little disheartened and worried. I'm trying to fight the disheartened part, but I'm still breaking this old habit. But the worry was still there. Deep down, I was still hoping for a call in the morning, like he'd done last week. I know that I won't hear from him after 7:30 in the morning, though, once he's at work.

7:30 came and went. Other calls and emails came in at work, and I didn't think about it for a little while.

7:45 my texting goes off. I check it while on the phone with our helpdesk people.

"U up?"

It felt good to laugh. It's almost 8:00. Of course, I'm up! Why would he ask that? Unless....

My cell phone rings. It's New Fella's ringer. I tell helpdesk I'll call them back.

Guess who overslept?

"Dammit! I'm so tired!" he yawns. "I could not get out of bed this morning! Should have called in sick and stayed in bed. It's cold and rainy up here. Probably going to turn to snow. Crap."

His phone signal starts breaking up, but I catch snippets of "Sorry I didn't call last night...." I don't get the rest.

The signal is back in time for me to hear him yawn again. "How was your night?" I tell him that sleeping with the window open at my house (which overlooks a park and is close to "the country") has it's hazards. Namely, last night, something close by got sprayed by a skunk. And the smell drifted into my room. He laughs. "Poor girl," he says.

He gets to work and we get off the phone. Poor fella.

I decide to respond to his text. "Yes, I was up! Take [daughter] to school @ 7:30. Sorry so tired :( It'd be a good play-hooky, cozy-in-bed day.... Take care. Hope to talk later. ....[Blogget]"

It's a warm fuzzy kind of day for me, as it is....no matter what the weather is doing.