Friday, July 27, 2007

Why I hate dating

So, here's the thing.... The new guy might not be all I thought he was. I hate it when people can't just be honest -- especially about things that are so easy to find out are a lie.

Initially, he told me he was 46. He's 49. Yes, his mother died -- four days before he said she did. When he was on his trip with his kids. I've doubted if the trip happened, but he did have stories about it that make it likely to have actually happened. So, why would he lie about when she died?

And she's his step-mother. Married to his dad for about 20 years. So, I'm not saying he's not as attached as he said, because some people are very close to step-parents, but it's a detail he left out.

He's been married twice, not once. I'm beginning to wonder if this second divorce is really final, and how close he still is to the ex (or almost-ex). He does live in his own apartment, so I know that separation exists. However, she calls and has him pick up things at the grocery store for her, when he's out. Odd.

You know what's really weird? We found two houses here that we liked. If the one we bought hadn't worked out, we would have bought the other one. Which is right across the street from his former home, where his ex still lives. Creepy.

He's stopped communicating as frequently with me. He'll say, "Let's go out Wednesday." When I ask when and where.....silence. Weird. I just noticed he's placed a new profile on a dating site, though. His name is different (not unusual, for safety reasons). His listed age is even lower than the one he lied about to me. He says he's a Gemini, but he's a Capricorn.

How do I manage to attract such stellar examples of manhood? This is frustrating because I really did enjoy spending time with this one. Low pressure, similar goals. Or so I thought....

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Does God think he's....


I don't think he's funny at all. I think he's screwing with me.

So, I accept that BF is not going to step up to the plate. I start to move on. I find this nice guy and we're starting to hit it off. Thank God, I think.

Then today happens. Guess who has an interview with the place where I work?

That's right. BF does. Thanks, God.

Is it wrong of me to hope that his history of rubbing people the wrong way repeats itself in the interview? What am I supposed to do with this?!

Just when I think things are cruising right along, WHAM! I get a monkey wrench. I could do with a few less of those, but I think my torment is entertaining to someone on the deity level.

Monday, July 16, 2007


People say, "Dating is a minefield." Some surprises in dating just happen. You are on the lookout for the things that are red flags -- the things you can't live with long-term. The thing about the real mines is that they are a total surprise, and sometimes stepping on them is your own fault.

I did that. I stepped on a mine, and it was my own fault. I stepped into one of my own pet peeves -- selfishness. And it blew up in my face.

See, I went out with this guy. We've met a couple of times and talked a few. His divorce is less than a year old, so dating is new and uncomfortable to him. Finally, he was ready and he seems quite nice and level-headed, so we went out. We had a great time! We have a lot in common and are comfortable with each other. A very good time.

Here's where the hitch came. He was leaving town for a week, on a trip that had been planned for his kids long before the divorce, so his ex was going, too. Red flag. He said he'd call when he got back. That date came and went. Red flag. Sent him a sweet "Welcome home!" message. No answer. Red flag. Trip with an ex and now he's not calling or writing. Hmmm. Danger, Will Robinson.

Combine that with my history and the deep-seated self-doubt it's left me holding. I'm the one who gets lied to, cheated on, forgotten, pushed aside, taken for granted....blah blah. Of course, he wouldn't call. Of course, he'd get back together with his ex. Of course, he'd never let me know. I wouldn't rank that kind of consideration from anyone.

Looking back, I see my own pet peeve -- "me, me, me" all over the place. I didn't see it then, though. Instead, I wrote one last email, saying, "Listen, I know how it can go. You spent a week with your ex and your kids, and maybe it makes sense to try again. It's just that, if you don't want to see me, please let me know, okay?"

I got an answer back. He apologized for not contacting me sooner, but.... (wait for it)

His. Mother. Died.

His mother died. That's one of the major hits you take in life. I felt like a total heel. Still do. I came across as a total self-absorbed bitch, I'm sure.

Oh, I can hear a few of you now saying, "Yeah, right. You fell for that?" To you I say -- remember who you're talking to. My Sherlockness surfaced and I verified it. This man really did just lose his mother, and I was thinking it was all about me.

KABLOOEY! I stepped on a mine of my own making. I was the one with the red flag.

The good news is that he still really does want to see me. A lot. I told him that this isn't a good representation of who I am, and I've been here for the support he needs. That's helped. That's more like who I am.

Date #3 is later this week. I'll keep you posted