Sunday, May 13, 2007

So others may learn from my mistakes....

Do NOT ever, under any circumstances, consume an entire "family size" box of jalapeno and cream cheese Poppers all by yourself. At once.

The gastronomical indignities are just not worth it.

And that's coming from someone with no one around to be humiliated in front of.

Mixed bag of Mother's Day

Mother's Day 2007.


Of course, it came as no surprise tht I would be alone on Mother's Day this year. I decided to make it one of those rare days when a mom gets to do only what she wants to do. I thought that would take the edge off of not actually being with my kids today. I miss them so much....

So, I rented a slew of movies that I'd wanted to see for some time, but hadn't gotten around to seeing. I picked out ones with boxes that said things like "heartwarming!", "charming!", "a great date movie!" I bought junk food that I usually don't eat and that I usually have to share when I have it at home. Today, I've had Pop Tarts, Jalapeno Poppers, and fresh chocolate chip cookies.

The food was better than the movies, so far. I just had to give it a rest before my toe ended up in the trigger. "A great date movie," my keister. I just wasted two hours watching two people torture each other in the name of love, and STILL didn't end up together. Where's my tidy, romantic, "heartwarming" and "charming" ending? If I want to experience a heart getting ripped out, I'll think more about BF....

To make matters worse, I'm having some trouble with my son lately. He's knee-deep in teenage angst. Unfortunately, this move has compounded that problem and given him something to angst about. He's decided to punish me whenever he can. He tries to hurt me. Today, he succeeded.

My daughter called this morning to wish me a happy Mother's Day. We chatted and she told me her brother was up, but not doing anything. He even picked up the extension while she was talking, but he said nothing. Mid-afternoon, my phone rings. It's my son, from his cell phone, and I can hear his dad in the background.

He muttered something that sounded vaguely like "hammy murray." I hear his dad's voice again. He speaks up. "Happy Mother's Day." We exchange a little "how are you?" "what are you doing?" I tell him it's a hard Mother's Day. He laughs at something his dad does. "I love you," I say. He grudgingly says it back. And that's it. His dad made him call and he's done.

Yeah, I needed help knowing what it was like to get my heart ripped out today.

So, I hung up the phone and cried.

While I'm sobbing, my phone rings again. I see it's my own mother. I clear up the cry voice and answer it. She just wanted to know how I was doing. On some level, she felt the ripple in the Mom-Force and knew I needed her. And there you have it - the good, the bad, and the ugly of motherhood.

Sometimes, it's a really good thing I don't drink.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Colorado lonely....

I'm in Colorado! I've been on the job for a whole week and my plate is already unbelievably full!

I have a cute little apartment. I'm working on getting a house. I don't have a "real" office yet because it's not ready. So, I'm sharing an office right now. That kinda sucks. I'm way too territorial to do this for long! Especially when I'm coming into someone else's territory. She has been nice and cleared a couple of shelves for me to use, but - at the risk of sounding a little snotty - I'm Administration, for pete's sake. If the people I have to work with are going to take me seriously, I have to have more than someone else's corner and a couple of shelves!

It's absolutely gorgeous here! The weather has been lovely! Here's a pic of one of the mountain ranges that surrounds the town. The thing is that I'm a little lonely. For now, I'm on my own here. Do you know how long it's been since I've been totally on my own, with no family or friends in sight? NEVER. I went from high school, to college in the same town, to getting married, to moving with my own family, to returning home....and by that time, I had children and would never be alone again.

Until now. Until summer, I'm a stranger in a strange world. I'm making my way around, but it feels so odd, so disconnected. I found Wal-mart, Target, the mall, Barnes & Noble, and Borders. I got lost and ended up in a remote, but pretty, part of town. Heck, I haven't found an ugly part of town yet!

And that includes the men! The ones in my age range are generally rugged and TALL. Gotta love that!

I hear some of you making noises, though. "What about BF?!" Yeah, that's a good question. Here's the thing about BF. Every time he's left on his own, he ends up trying to cheat on me or actually doing it. He takes up drinking, smoking, and carousing. Every. Single. Time. He says he'll make his way here...eventually. None of that sounds promising to me...does it to you? Already, I'm getting one-word emails and he stops answering his phone at night. Hmmm....

I'm not sitting around, feeling sad and lonely and obsessing about what he's up to. That's pure torture. If he actually comes up here, then he's turned over a new leaf and left all that behind. We'll see and we'll work with that. I'm not wasting my life, in the meantime.

TTYL, diary.

-- Blogget