Friday, February 29, 2008

Please pardon me, as I'm reduced to rubble

I'm broken at the moment.

Yesterday, I talked to Greg.

"How are you?" I said. He sounded odd.

"I'm bad, bad, bad," he said. "Can't explain now, it's too busy, but call me tomorrow and I will."

I worried. And I called today.

"You and I have to take a break," he said. "My ex's dad died. Well, she's not my ex, and now she won't be for awhile."

This is when my heart stopped.

He went on to explain that they've been in the middle of a divorce. She's lived with her folks in another town, with their 4-year-old son, who is autistic. She and her mother can't work because they are severely bipolar. So, her father supports them all, with help from Greg, as much as he can.

The father died the other day, of a heroine overdose. So, all of them have moved into Greg's little apartment. He's supposed to support them all, on a waiter's pay. It's not going to go well, but he's all they've got. The divorce can't happen right now.

"It's not fair," he said. "If I had a choice, I'd be with you. I want to be with you. I have strong feelings for you. I've been falling for you."

He paused. I heard him sigh. "I'll just go ahead and say it. I love you."

This is when my heart broke.


Anonymous said...

I am so sorry! My heart goes out to you! there is no form of disability that they can get so it will help with their living expenses?

I don't even know you but I want so bad for this to work out for you!


captain corky said...

I'm really sorry, too. This whole situation sucks. Hang in there BJ.

Blogget Jones said...

Single: I'll talk to him on Monday (or so) about that. I've also been talking with a friend who knows a lot about autism, and programs for autistic children. I think there's resources they aren't tapping into. And thanks. I so want it to work out, too, but am feeling rather hopeless.

And thanks, Corky. It REALLY sucks.

I keep thinking of things I want to say to him. I've spent a good bit of the day in tears, and in railing at God, once again. I just don't get why He does this crap to me. Another carrot yanked away....but this one actually loves me back.