Friday, February 15, 2008

Uhm...I'm a basketcase....

Ignore the last post.

I thought about deleting it, but this blog isn't just about how nice and tidy things can be. I've been cheated on A LOT. I've been taken for granted A LOT. So, I have ugly insecurities. And they come boiling out of me often. As evidenced below.

But the sun has peeked out of my clouds a little this morning.

11:30 Texas time. I called. The lunch hour is cranking up and the wait staff should be in place. If he's working lunch, he'll be there by now. Not the most convenient time, as he could very well be busy, but it's a good shot, anyhow.

I spoke with the helpful hostess, the one who took my message the other day and was even willing to give his phone number. Gotta like that one.

"Are you all busy yet?" I asked.

"No," she said. "In fact, we're soooo not busy right now. Nothing is going on."

I laughed. "Okay. Is Greg working?"

"He sure is!"

"Can I speak to him for a moment?"

"Sure!" And she was off to get him.

"Hello?" Ah...there it is. His voice really gets me.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"Nothing. Working. Just thought I'd call and say Hi. How are you?"

"I think I'm going to be evicted."

"No way!" This poor guy has had the worst run of luck. Major car repairs, replacing his tires, extra child-related expenses, a trip to Houston for family matters...and my little candle. Now this.

"Oh yeah. I forgot about $66 I owed my landlady, and she's pissed about things," he said. I knew she'd been annoyed that he often has to pay rent in two payments. That's the nature of a server job, though, when you rely on tips. He chuckles. He seems to be in laugh-or-you'll-cry mode.

"I can't let that happen," I said. "There has to be something I can do."

"I'm not going to ask you for money," he said. "That's just not right. I won't let you do that. I'll have to figure it out."

"Well, I don't know that I could do anything financially, anyhow," I said. "But I'll ask around to the people I know. Maybe they have an idea. I just can't let that happen."

"I'll be all right," he said. "I'll still work here and all. I'll just live in a shoe." He chuckled again, and I promised to do some asking around.

I knew he needed to go soon. "Hey, I needed to ask you something."


"That note I left for you. Was it okay?"

"Yeah, it was," he said. "It was good. I liked that."

"Okay, I wasn't sure. You know I was nervous about it. I know I can babble on, and I don't know how it comes across."

"No, it's good. I liked it. Babble all you want."

I laughed. "You don't know what you're saying with that! I can babble quite a bit."

"That's all right," he said, his voice soft, almost cooing to me. "I'm about to get a table, so I have to go. But call me again later, okay? I'll be here until 4:00."

And we were off. And I feel much better. Except for the worrying about his ass thing. I'm not accustomed to feeling helpless, though. There has to be something to be done, and I'm determined to find a way.


Pixie said...

Reading these last two posts feels like talking to myself!!
Can I do a fine job of beating myself up over bugger all. And when it comes right I just do it all again for not having any faith... Can't win sometimes. Sounds like you and Greg are working well together as long as you stop self sabotaging... this comes from a woman who has a medal in this activity!

Blogget Jones said...

Yes! Exactly! That's what I do, Pix. dangit, if Old BF didn't do a good job of teaching me to think suspiciously and to think something is going on that I don't know about. I'm awful about that now. My first assumption is that someone is going to hurt me, that it's just going to work out that way.

It's not a flattering side of me....and I don't want it to spill over, so I'm trying to keep a "public" rein on it.

Yes, it seems we're working together all right. I talked to him one more time, and said I was worried about him. He said, "Aw...don't worry. I'll work it out. I've been in worse situations." I'll talk to him again on Monday, and see how the weekend went. He was going to pick up extra shifts. So, we'll see.