Oh, how I love air travel....

It's a pleasant day in Western Colorado. It was Wednesday morning. I have plenty of time to get packed and out the door. The drive to Montrose (about 1 hour, 15 minutes) is very nice. Cold outside, but the sun is shining!

I get checked in at the little airport. There are two gates at this one, about 50 feet apart. They share the same waiting area. I settle in to wait for the plane. Big windows let you see the whole area outside the gates, and the planes on the tarmac. I look down to read.

When I look up, outside has turned white. All white. Blowing white. WTF?? When asked about delays, the woman at the counter says, "What? For a little snow?" Welcome to Colorado.

We were delayed. A lot.

I worried that I'd miss my connection in Dallas. The flight leaves at 4:50. We're due at 4:20, if the pilot's estimate is correct. The flight attendant seems to doubt it. The woman behind me has a screaming infant and is talking loudly about how we're going to crash and we're all going to die.

Thankfully, she's wrong. We taxi in to gate B11. The flight attendant says my connection leaves from B10. Oh, thank goodness! Sitting near the back of the plane, I want to shove everyone else out of the way and make a mad desh for the terminal. But I'm patient. Well, I'm quietly impatient. I finally step into the terminal....to hear my flight being called.

A dash to the next gate and short wait in line and I'm on the plane! Whew! I see my old boss from The Weirdest Job Ever on the same flight. It's been years! And I wish for time to chat, but her seat is in the back of the plane. I settle in by the window and hope to God that the person with the seat beside me doesn't show up. But he does. And his salesman buddies. And they are LOUD. They've come from a big company meeting and are complaining about one woman executive in particular.

The man next to me says, loudly, "Her only problem is she needs a man. If she had a man, she'd be easier to get along with."

He has a deep Texas twang and I'm embarrassed for all Texans, everywhere.

He's also congested. I can tell because every, oh 30 seconds or so, he makes that sucking-snot-through-the-back-of-the-throat sound. It goes like sniiiiffff....ggggccckkk. Gross, just gross.

He's sitting kinda sideways, to talk to his buddies. This put his backside against my thigh, under the little armrest. Suddenly, my thigh feels warm. That's weird, I though. Then it hits me.

He farted. Big.

Oh dear Lord, rescue me.

But I'm here to tell you, dear diary, to be careful what you pray for.

Thud.

Yep, the plane went THUD. Gasman hollers, "Hey folks! We hit a deer!"

The plane stops. And turns around. "Folks, we're taking you back to the gate. It seems our nosewheel has malfunctioned. It's making turns on it's own, and we'd rather not do that. Maintenance is going to check it out and get us on our way."

Maintenance checks it out, while we wait on board. Soon, the flight attendant says, "Folks, we're getting a new plane for y'all. So, please gather your things and exit the aircraft. We'll re-board from gate B9."

Gate B9 tells us to settle in for a spell, while the plane gets ready. I see Gasman make a beeline for the restroom. Oh, thank goodness.

We're told to board. We head down the jetway or whatever that hallway is called, and get to the plane....to be greeted by surprised faces. "Oh. We're not ready for y'all."

Back to the terminal. Back to the seats. Back to waiting. Gasman heads to the counter to raise hell. "I'll just rent a car!" he's saying LOUDLY. Please, people, give the man a car....

But no....we eventually board again. And Gasman goes to sleep. To do so, though, he has to get comfortable, which means sprawling over the armrest and putting his feet in front of mine.

What a charmer....

I arrived in Lubbock two hours late.