Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Holy crap, here we go again....

So, I bit the bullet and called. All the cute things I thought I'd say went out the window.

"Thank you for calling [insert restaurant name here]. How can I direct your call?"

I asked if they were getting busy. The voice on the other end said no, not at all. I asked if Greg was working.

"Speaking," he said.

"This is Greg?"

"Mm-hmmm."

I smiled. "Greg, this is Blogget."

"Hey! What are you doing back in town?" I could hear his smile over the phone.

"I'm not. I just got home last night. We got stuck in Denver with the snow. "

"Oh yeah, I saw that."

"I just didn't want to bug you if you all were busy."

"I just have a couple of tables. Four, actually. So, what's up?" He really did sound like he wanted to talk to me.

"I was just getting ready to make plans with my ex for getting down there again. And I wanted to know if you'd be interested in getting together again when I got there."

"Uhm...," he paused. "Yeah, I think so. When are you talking about?"

"Probably towards the end of the month."

"Hmmm. I'll have to see about that. The end of the month is when I really have to work my tail off. Why don't I call you tomorrow, or you can call me...oh, wait, I'm off tomorrow. I'll have to call you."

"Well, is there another number you'd rather I try?"

"No," he laughs. "I don't have another number right now."

"All right," I say, trying to keep the disappointment from my voice. It's not going as I'd hoped. "I'm looking at the weekend of the 18th right now."

"I don't know when I'm working then," he says. "There's a bunch of people here right now. I'll call you." No place to have a private conversation, I think.

"Okay," I said. "Talk to you tomorrow."

"All right," he said, and we said goodbye.

I'm left with a dissatisfied, unsettled feeling. Was he really concerned about working too much to see me? Or was he trying to make an excuse to not see me?

Here comes the Second-Guessing Singleton Syndrome.

The thing is, too, that I don't know how good he is about calling, especially when he has to find a phone to call me long distance. Ugh.

I have to wonder what the purpose of all this is. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. Is this just another one of those things God puts in my life to hurt me? Because I think I've taken about all the heartache I can take right now. I'm tapped.

I'm trying to keep in mind Sassy Lucy's sage advice, "If it's meant to be, it will be." I think my trouble is that I'm tired of having the carrot dangled out there, then it's not meant to be mine....

10 comments:

RockDog said...

Here's my 10 cents...my 2 cents are free...

This is 2007...errr...2008...everyone, even the Amish have at least 1 phone. He's already taken or something else fishy.

I do wish you luck as he sounded "dreamy" up until now. :)

Blogget Jones said...

Well, I knew about the phone, actually. We'd talked about why the tip situation was so desperate. His vehicle crapped out a couple of weeks ago. He had a choice - phone stays on or vehicle gets fixed. Given that he lives 17 miles from work, he decided the vehicle won out this time.

Also, when he was running late to work the other day, his coworker tried his number and said it didn't work. So, something really is wrong with the phone.

But, I've had that thought, too, Rockdog. Some things don't add up to that, though. Like wanting to see me after work hours. Earnestly asking to go back to Colorado with me.

We'll see how the story plays out, though. You could be right.

Sassy Blondie said...

Blogget, I worry about this for several reasons:
1. He does not have any kind of phone. He's evidently struggling, and you don't need another child to raise.
2. This is more of a sex thing, right?
3. You do not need another child to raise. (wait, I already said that, huh?)
4. Take some time for perspective. Is this the one you really want for any kind of relationship?

Okay, feel free to hurl objects and insults. But I have been there and done that.

Best of luck on whatever you decide! (but kudos for going balls out and calling his ass!)

Blogget Jones said...

Yes, Sassy....I've thought about all of that. I suppose the tough thing is that, outside of the sex, we enjoyed a really strong chemistry. I know that's an intangible and all, but I suppose it's hard to turn away from that when you haven't had it slap you in the face like that in such a long time.

::sigh::

I know on some level that I'm being foolish. I'm holding to that sappy happy ending that I'm forever looking for, and never getting. In all likelihood, he'll turn out to be just another fuckwit. But I just wish not, for a change.

Sassy Lucy said...

Time...that's what this needs. See if he calls, and see if he is interested over time. Do not invest your heart yet, and if you have sweetie pull back.
Love at first site is rare (does happen, I'm proof) so you need to play carefully...and I won't repeat my advice.
I do agree about you not needing another "child" in your life though.

Blogget Jones said...

Well, my heart is often on my sleeve, when I've hit it off with someone. Truth be told I was hit on by or went out with four men last week. This is the only one who "stuck," so to speak. We had a different kind of spark. But you're right -- I need to protect myself more than I have.

I've experienced love at first sight before....or actually, then men I've been with have. That's how it was with my now-ex. The moment he saw me, he knew he had to be with me. That happened with Old BF, too. And now, this one.

Have I fallen in love at first site? No. Not yet. Even with dear Greg, I thought he was indifferent initially. I was settling in to make some phone calls while I ate lunch. I didn't plan on this....

You are probably right about needing time. I need to know some things about him -- like if his current struggling state is his norm, or what.

Oh, bother. Why can't it just be easy??? I'm sooo tired of struggling in my heart.

Sassy Lucy said...

Love is never easy...even after 17 years.

Blogget Jones said...

You're right. It isn't. No matter what kind of love it is, it's not easy. I'm just worn out from everything always being so hard....

Lately, it just seems I pray so hard for the love I need, then it seems to show up on the scene only to go sour. So many times.... I'm tired from it.

holly said...

i think he'd make a lovely fantasy boy. but i think good, lovely love will fall in your lap if you let it.

that's me and my pie-in-the-sky brain talking about stuff that never happened to me (but i dream of it).

Blogget Jones said...

I think I like that.... "Fantasy boy." He is rather beautiful, and I'd like to spend more time with him, but that might be all there is....

I dream of it, too. Lovely love, suddenly in my life. I pray for it every day.

But I get teased instead....dang, I hate that.