Yesterday, I'm sitting in church listening to a particularly monotone talk from the pulpit, about tithing. Boring talks happen -- without a paid ministry, each person gets a chance to be up there. Some of us (probably me included) are just not born orators. And I've heard the topic many, many times before.
So, I start trying to find ways to entertain my brain, so that when that poor sot up there looks out at the congregation, they see me awake and appearing to listen. My thoughts wander to find something happy and interesting. I find it. I smile to myself.
What I landed on was this new fella. I hesitate to say "my" new fella because he hasn't actually staked a claim yet. However, I know he's not seeing anyone else. He gets home late at night because he works in another town, and calls me on his way home. Then, he has to be up very early to make the drive again. He fills his spare time on the weekends with me.
Appropriate for church time or not, I have a flash in my mind of him looking at me with those intense green eyes. I remember how his palm feels, cupped around my jaw, thumbs lightly tracing the curve of my cheekbone.... How I feel the electricity of his kiss all the way to the arches of my feet....
Wait, the speaker has changed. What's she saying now? She's so adamant about her point.
"...avoid even the situation where sin might happen...."
"...and they will respect you for refusing to participate...."
"...your body is as a temple...."
You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Now? You want to talk about this now? Okay, okay, okay. It's church. The likelihood of a talk about not sinning is very high. No need to personalize it. Even though last week's Sunday school lesson was about not lusting, how sex without marriage is selfish and dangerous, and even made a clear reference to the evils of masturbating. "Sexual intimacy involves strong emotions, and we should also not stir these emotions in our own bodies."
Well, yeah, it does involve strong emotion. It's not something to be taken, or given, lightly. Establish trust and respect first, if it's to be done right. But I've been divorced for nearly ten years now. Do you know what kind of shrew I'd be without some autoeroticism??
Sunday school goes smoothly enough, and I drift into the third hour and the women's group meeting. I know today's teacher, and she's not a gifted orator, either, but it's okay. To be honest, I'm being drawn back to my previous thoughts, anyhow. The sweet tenderness of how he presses the palm of my hand to his lips....
"Good morning, sisters! Today's lesson is about..."
His strong arms around me, his hand on the small of my back, holding me to him....
"...chastity."
Oh, great googly moogly.
5 comments:
Oh lordy. I go to church (still breathing?) and I'm really afraid that Jesus would be pretty pissed at me if I told you to ignore him and screw new guys brain out. (or make sweet green eyed love with him, maybe that's a bit more appropriate cuz he's so sweet and all)
But dang. I can't bring myself to type it. But crapper! what a kick in the vulva.
Ah well it made for a good post.
A kick in the vulva for sure! I could NOT believe that! I was sitting by my mother (to make matters worse) and she probably wondered why I was so pissed....
And I know this whole thing is sickeningly sappy. I can't believe I'm in the middle of it. If it were a movie, I'd skip out and call it hooey. But there he is, green eyes and all.
It's all effing unbelievable. And I'm sure Jesus is a bit miffed at me today, for having ignored him slapping me upside the head with a chastity 2-by-4. But New Fella backed me up to a wall when I was leaving last night and showed his lusty side, shyness abandoned.
Wow, if this comes to fruition, I'm in trouble. He left me trembling for hours, without even breaching my clothes.... That was a job for Friend Rabbit, for sure!
Sigh.
You make it sound like going to hell is such a bad thing.
Call me sacreligious, but...
Well, sex feels joyful for a reason.
I mean, you've already gotten divorced (Matthew 19:3-12).
I hardly thinks Jesus minds nearly as much as everyone else in church does, but you're not having sex with them. :)
OMG I'd swear he read a chick mag on how to "Drive Him Wild." or "Keep in guessing!" or "How To Make Him Beg!" and has TURNED it on you.
Seriously you need to check his magazine rack. ;)
LOL Hor-gal! Maybe so.
Seriously, I wouldn't be guessing anymore if a sick child hadn't interrupted us Sunday evening (which also means the chastity lesson didn't stick very long...LOL).
I do know that he's been doing a little guessing of his own. Wanting to make a move, but not sure if it's okay by me, etc. I guess he finally couldn't stand it anymore and took the chance.
And I learned he can be a dirty, dirty boy...from the whisperings I had in my ear before that interruption came. I'm just hoping we coast along just fine through the week, and get that alone time this weekend ;o)
Oooo...shivers. This better be a damn fast week.
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