Wednesday, September 12, 2007

It happens way too fast

My son is 16 years old today. Dang, how did that happen?

He's 6'3" and towers over me. When did that happen?

He has started the "take me to get my driving permit" chant. I could definitely have waited for that to happen....

I think of seeing his 4-year-old self drenched from head to toe in the water he was just told not to play in. I think of looking out my kitchen window to see his 5-year-old self peeing in the yard, instead of coming to the civilized bathroom. And he's going to drive?

In two more years, he'll be headed to college. He'll be handling his own life, having his own life that I'm not part of. That aches. I miss him already.

However, there are days when I want it to could come faster! He can make me completely insane! Adolescence is not easy. For anyone involved.

You know what I really love?? People who have toddlers and give me advice on teenagers. I have to smile and laugh, and say, "Oh look! Your little darling thinks that Hot Wheel is going to fit up his nose!" Yeah, come talk to me when your worries are about what other people are trying to get him to put up his nose....

The phrase I've heard a lot lately is Bible-based: "Train them up in the way of righteousness and they will follow the right path when they are older." Okay, so I don't know the exact reference, but that's how people use it. And it's just not so.

My parents raised my sister and I in the same household, with the same rules, that same upbringing. However, as teenagers, I kept on the straight-and-narrow (for the most part!) and she got so far off the path that she needed a machete to find her way back to it. Some days, we held our breath when the phone rang.

You can "train" a child all you like, but they are still an individual, with their own thoughts, wants, desires, weaknesses, and strengths. They make their own choices and learn their own lessons. This is why I get pissed when I hear someone whining about "I'm this way because my mother did father did that...." (And I mean literally whining, not just conversing. Some people can talk about their past without it being a continual trauma.) I can show them many examples of people who bettered their lives to spite what others had done to them. I suppose it's a matter of how you use the experience.

Ultimately, you are still responsible for your own life, and your own choices, and your own consequences. I can raise my kids with all of the best I can give them, but it's their choice how they carry it into their future. The thing is, it's their future, and they are the only ones who will walk that path.


simon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
~ellen~ said...

That's so true, my husband was brought up in a strictly religious household. His sisters are all churchy people exactly like his parents, and he and I are in the fast lane to hell.

Okay, maybe the slow lane... Where does porn ownership put you: Middle lane? Slow lane?

Lindystar the HOR blogger said...

Right on Blogget! Tell you that truth my parents worked so much that they mostly left me to raise myself (no sob story I was fine and happy) So really I could have went any way I wanted (no curfew for heavens sake!) but I chose NOT to go the jail-byrd route. Parents can have an influence of course but ultimately folks make their own decisions.

Blogget Jones said...

Hey Simon! That's cool! I'm updating links today :o)

And if you need it, the email is


Blogget Jones said...

Ellen -- Porn ownership sends you to hell?? What if it's all on the computer? Do you really own it then? And what if you made it yourself? ;o) Naw....I think you're in the "normal" lane!

Hor-gal -- Wow! That's quite a story! A perfect example. You take your experience, you deal with it, and you make it what you want it to be.

My parents had their influence on me, but I have a life to live. They have often been hung up on not "approving" of something I do. They hate that I don't feel I need that approval in order for my decision to be right for me.


Krissie said...

So very true!
My sister and I are two completely different people although we too were raised the same way. And yes, a parent can only do so much.
So happy birthday to your son and congrats to you on making it this far! lol

Blogget Jones said...

Thanks, Krissie!

Some days, I wasn't sure he'd see sixteen.... Those are the days I wonder, "Who kidnapped my child and placed this creature in my home?" Oh, hormones are evil things....

But for tonight, we'll celebrate :o)


BlaineM said...

I am now 25 years old, and must say that yes there were alot of rough times (for me and her) during which I "disconnected" from my Mom in moving out, and starting my adult life. But now that we are both on the other side, our relationship has taken a great shape.

Be encouraged.

Blogget Jones said...

Blaine, I think that might be part of the process, yes? Maybe it's the separation that happens when a child is moving on to adulthood, and out of childhood. Adolescence is about discovering who you are as an independent person. I suppose it's natural....but it's hard on the person you've been dependent on for so long!

Thanks for your encouragement. I'll have to remember this when I feel like wringing his skinny neck.


simon said...

thanks for your nice comment on my blog :-)
i have just included a link to your site.