Thursday, March 06, 2008

Trying not to overthink this....

I awoke Wednesday without the intense pain in my chest. I had a headache from lack of sleep, but the heaviness in my chest was gone. No tears in the shower. That was a nice change.

I've lost ten pounds since the world exploded for me. Even though I'm mad at him, I think it's time for God to hold this in his hands. I can't do it. And other forces seem to be at work here, so I'll try not to interject my pain-in-the-ass ideas into it so much.

I spoke with Greg yesterday. He seems to be moving out of panic mode. His customary answer to "How are you?" is now "Horrible." He still doesn't know how he'll make ends meet. He's working his ass off. Lubbock had snow this week, so business was slow and tips were down.

"This is what kills me," I exclaimed. "You were on the edge of something else, something better, where this hand-to-mouth thing wasn't going to happen anymore. A new life, a better job, a better way to take care of everything, including your son....and then this happens, and it's just not fair."

As the words tumble from me, he keeps softly saying, "I know. I know."

I take a deep breath. "And while I'm thinking about it, I need to be sure you don't misunderstand something I said the other day."

"Okay."

"I didn't mean that you should leave her just because she has problems. I mean, I've been at the same place. I loved my husband and stuck with the problems. There's damage you'll put up with for yourself, but when it started harming my kids...that was where I drew the line. I had to protect them. And they were damaged for it because I waited too long. Son more than daughter."

"Because she was little, right?"

"Right. But I was just saying that if it gets to that point...."

"....we have someplace to go. I know. I appreciate that. Don't worry. I get what you're saying."

I ventured further. "How are things at home?"

"Weird," he said. "Just weird."

I wanted to know more. (Anyone surprised?) "Weird? How so?"

He gave a derisive laugh. "I don't know. It's just all weird," he paused. "I'll have an answer for you by next week."

An "answer"? For me? To what? This is the "trying not to overthink" part. What the hell is he talking about? However, I fully appreciate that he's talking to me while at work, so I don't press at the moment.

He had to go, and asked that I call later.

I did. A little later than I said, though. "Oh good," he said, sounding relieved. "I've been cut loose for the day, but I've been delaying until you called."

"Are you still coming Saturday?" he asked.

"Yes, I'll be there about 6:00."

"Okay, I'll pick up a double on Saturday so that I'll be here when you get in. If I'm not here, though, we'll just have to wait until Sunday."

"That's okay," I said. "I understand that."

"Are your kids with you Saturday night?" he asked. No, they won't be.

"I have to tell you," he said. "You have to know...I really can't wait to see you. I need to see you. A lot. I can't go without seeing you."

And again, with me trying to not overthink this. I started reading "The Secret," at Karl's request. Very, very interesting stuff. So, I'm trying to visualize positive things. Keep good thoughts. Think of love. And maybe I'll draw it to me...from whatever source.

Today, I'm at home. I'm sewing shamrocks on my daughter's St. Pat's dress for her performance. I'm doing the laundry, to pack tonight.

I forgot to visualize love for the washer, and it quit working. As I'm unplugging and plugging, switching on and off, slamming doors, my cell phone starts ringing.

I grab it and notice the caller ID. It's Karl.

"Hello?"

"Uhm, hi. Can I please speak to (name omitted)?"

Effing unbelievable. Karl has the wrong number. And he got me.

"Karl?" I ask.

"Yes?"

I laugh. "It's me....Blogget."

There's a pause. Then delightful, full laughter. "Whoa! No way!"

"Yeah."

He starts explaining that he's at a trade show and is supposed to meet with someone, but can't find him. But how on earth did he manage to dial me? Deja vu.

"You want to know the crazy part?" I ask him. The name he asked for is the same as my son's name.

He does the Twilight Zone "do-dee-do-do" thing. He laughs more. I recall a message I got from him yesterday: "I love your laugh," he said.

I tell him to get back to work, and he says he'll call later.

I put down the phone and look around. Something is definitely going on with the cosmos, and I feel like I'm just along for the ride.

4 comments:

D-HOR said...

Dang Blogget I'd say you feel like you're along for the ride because SO MUCH is going on!! How do you keep up with it all AND your daughter?? Do you have a secret for extra hours in the day that you could share with me?

Man girlie.

But ok, I hope you get some good time with Greg to talk about stuff and sort and ..... what have you ;)

Blogget Jones said...

LOL Hor-gal....I think I just don't sleep much. LOL

Such weirdness in my life lately....gives me a lot to lay awake and think about!

:o) BJ

Single In The City said...

Yep, I would have to say that the Craziness must be something that you need. Karl is something!! I would not mind if I had a Karl on the other end of my phone, if it was the wrong number I would just keep on talking.

Things are so gonna work out for you!

Single

Blogget Jones said...

Oh thank you, Single....I have hope again. I can't wait to actually meet him in person and see if all this translates. He's thinking the same thing. Know how I know that? He actually TELLS me what he's thinking. I'm amazed.