Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Sweetness and sunshine.... from Florida.

It's uncanny. I think of Karl for a moment. I mean, focus on him. And he calls or texts. He is sweetness and warmth, and all kinds of passion.

We emailed on Sunday, and he explained the hectic week he has ahead. Lots of traveling. When he's here, he'll look for jobs that don't require so much travel. It wears him out, but he loves the contact with people. He's very outgoing and personable.

He's also spent a lot of time thinking about what he wants. He's had all kinds of what he doesn't want. High maintenance, greedy women. Cold lovers. It's been dissatisfying for him, and he's sick of it.

He's beginning to understand what I'm about. He sees sweetness and passion in me, too. He sees a woman wanting strong arms to protect her, while letting her individuality flow. He sees someone who wants to take care of a partner - a real partner - and give him shelter and solace from the crazy world. He sees the "team," the "partnership," he's been looking for.

At the same time, he's not in a hurry. We've got nothing but time. He won't even be here, in the flesh, until July. In the meantime, we get to know each other. We talk at the end of the day.

Monday night, I was working on my laptop, thinking about emailing him. My phone goes off. "Busy?" he says, in text. We start to chat. He's woried about his daughter. She's 19, pregnant, with a bad boyfriend. Her hormones are going crazy, and she can't think straight. The conversation moves to actually talking on the phone. We talk about her, their relationship, his ex's parenting methods, and the fact that his daughter needs someone to talk to.

Turns out, he deals with a mentally ill ex, too. What's the deal with this? Are our exes the only ones without mentally ill exes?

Finally, I offer, "I know I'm nobody in this situation, but if she wants to call or drop me a line, she's welcome to. I can listen, and I'm on the outside, if that helps."

"That's sweet of you," he said. "And you know what it's like to be a single mom, and you've made it work. She might need that." He really wants her to move with him.

It was very late there, so I sent him off to sleep. Think about it another day, I said. I put down the phone, and went back to my computer.

The text alert went off again. "Hugs and kisses," he said. "I will dream I'm spooning with you."

I never did write that email. So, last night, I'm at the laptop again. I actually started the email this time. I got as far as, "Hi Karl!" and my phone goes off.

"Hello," says the text.

I reply, "Whoa. I was just starting an email to you!"

"Then I should let you finish it, shouldn't it?" He loves my emails. He says he's amazed at how I can just write out my thoughts, so fluidly.

"No, it's okay. I'm just writing silly daydreams to you."

"Daydreams? Of what?"

"You." It's true. I'd been sitting outside in the sun on campus yesterday. I imagined what it would be like to open my eyes and see him there. Maybe he'd be coming to surprise me for lunch, and we'd have a delightfully normal conversation about what to go eat, and enjoy each others company for awhile.

I sent a second text immediately. "And me. And us. Silly daydreams."

"Daydream about being together?"

"Yes. Little moments. I hope that's not too weird."

"No, it's not at all."

I started to write back and another text arrived. "To be honest, I've already made love to you in my thoughts." I caught my breath. This conversation just took a left turn.

My laptop dinged. Karl had signed in to IMs. "Hello. Was that all right?"

Yes, I said.

"What are your boundaries?" he asked. And so we launched into a discussion of my short list of sexual hangups and challenges. It wasn't really an erotic conversation, though. He really wants to know. And he really wants to help.

See, some men have found me to be a...uhm...challenge. If I'm at all distracted, the Big O won't happen. And certain types will, and certain types won't.

He told me that his ex initially could not achieve the Big O. So, he researched it. Researched it! He learned about female anatomy and physiological responses. He read books on how to deal with such problems. He read books and watched films on technique. All for a woman he knew was using him as a meal ticket.

Are you ladies out there as stunned as I am? And completely turned on by the thought of what he'd do for the woman he actually feels a "connection" with?

I just shuddered.

Sexual compatibility is important to him. And to me. This discussion was part of exploring those options, without it being any form of cybersex. However, I did get a glimpse of his more passionate side. He wants to much to give and receive real affection, on all levels.

And he feels drawn to me. Me. I find that astounding.

But know what? I'm feeling drawn, too.

I finished the silly daydream email. There's just so much happening here.


Driving With the Brakes On said...

I have always put just a teeny, tiny amount of stock into things like fate, destiny, karma, and the like, but I must admit that Karl is making me want to put just a bit more stock into it all! I am having a hard time choosing between him, South Carolina, and Greg . . . girl, the problem you must be having!

(And I totally mean this in a good way: you are SO keeping me from needing to tune into any sort-of soap opera to get my fill of twisting plot lines and sexual tension! I LOVE IT!)

Blogget Jones said...

Hey, Driving!!

Everything with Karl has been extremely faith-building. Too many things I can't explain that brought us together, when he was wishing for it and I was needing it. I just have to sit up and pay attention to this one!

South Carolina is a wonderful guy...but he's 1800 miles away. I don't know how we'd come together, really. And Greg...well, he just can't be mine right now. He has too much to sort out. South Carolina does, too, I suppose.

I'm learning to sit back and see where the ride takes me. I'm in mid twist and tense! And I'm glad you're along for the ride, too!

:o) BJ

Mike said...

So, does Karl know about Greg?

And didn't you describe Greg as having a huge uhhhh, schlong? And you're currently or recently had relations?

Well, what if Karl doesn't have schlong? What if he has a schlittle?

Shit, this just keeps on getting more and more complicated! I mean, what if Karls trying to park his bicycle in your airplane hanger?

Blogget Jones said...

ROFL Mike!

Karl knows there's someone I've been seeing, who caused me no small amount of hurt. Karl knows that my wrong number to him came when I really needed someone, because I was really heartbroken.

In all honesty, I don't know if I'll ever actually see Greg again, and if I do, I doubt that it'll be as a lover. The best I can be for him is someone to lean on.

And yes, Greg is well-endowed. The thing is, though....he tests my limits. Definitely not a "hangar." Put bluntly, I'm built very tight. And to be honest again, it's not what a fella has, but what he does with it that matters.

Good questions, though ;o)