Saturday, June 14, 2008

I'm just sayin'

Okay, I'm just going to lay this out on the table and see what thoughts occur.

Ranger now lives in the same town as me, so I see him on a daily basis. He's job-hunting, which is often a revealing process about a person. The first alarm bells I had with Old BF were when he was unemployed. I realized I was the one looking for the jobs. I even put in some of the applications. When I stopped, he tended to sit on his ass until the day before rent was due.

With Ranger, I'm not sticking my nose in the job hunt. I'm leaving it up to him to see how he handles it. I've learned from those past mistakes. He doesn't rule out almost any job, since he needs money coming in soon. The source just doesn't matter at this point. He can still look for his ideal situation, while getting a pay check from whatever will do for now. He's also selling his rock shop inventory to shops who need it, so that helps.

The thing is....often, when I call in the middle of the day, he's at home. Sometimes he's napping. Sometimes he's watching TV. Once a day, he looks at online job boards and applies for jobs online. He tends to not pursue job leads that someone else finds. My mother sent him some listings, and he finally applied for one of them, but they'd filled it.

He's very focused on me. "You're the only positive thing in my life right now," he says. So, he's surrounding himself with the positive. I visited his new (albeit temporary) home the other day. He gave me advance warning that he'd been decorating, and laughed. "You'll just have to see it," was all he said.

I walked in the door and literally jumped. One wall is covered with (yes, I counted) 29 8 x 10 and 9 4 x 6 pictures of me. All are pics he's taken of me himself, with my kids, with him, and on my own. It's a little intimidating to be confronted with a whole wall of yourself. He (thankfully) refrained from putting up the one he took of me coming out of the shower. I was wearing a towel, but still....

He's been applying a little pressure about Las Vegas. He says he just wants to make those commitments to me and he wants to be sure "no one can come between us." But at that point, we will have known each other a whopping four months. Last night, he acknowledged he was pressuring me too much and agreed to let up. He's a little frantic about this, though. Is it because he knows I still talk to Greg? And that Old BF pulled the guilt trip thing recently? I mean, his ex pulls that, too, and he still talks to her on a friendly basis often, but I'm not freaked out by it.

The Wall of Blogget caught me off-guard. I mean, he loves me like no one else has. We have such a synchronous relationship that we act on the other one's thoughts before those thoughts are even expressed. But...has this focus gone overboard? Should I be alarmed about the way the job hunt is going? And the pressure about Las Vegas really needs to stop.

I've been fighting these inklings of concern because I love him so much, but am I right to do that?

I sooo hate it when I do this to myself.


Walker said...

I think you have to ask yourself where the love starts where the obsession takes over.
Four months is not a long time to be thinking about tying a knot and if you think he is jealous now how bad will it get down the road, unless you plan on giving up all your male friends.

From what you say it almost looks like you are being hemmed and forced to make a decision about your future on the spur of the moment.
Maybe you could convince him to pick a date a year from now when everything is better with his employment status and you could use Vegas to have some fun and to get to know each other a little better.
By then you will know if you want to be his wife or run to the hills LOL.

Blogget Jones said...

I was about to tell him he was pushing Vegas too much last night, when he said he thought he'd been "coming on too strong" lately and that he'd back off. He said, "I'm afraid I'll scare you with all this if I don't." He got that one right. I don't react well to pressure or being cornered. He picked up on that.

I need Vegas to be a vacation together. Okay, it's a working vacation for me, but that's something he needs to remember, too!

Thanks, Walker!

:o) BJ

Gingers Mom said...

First of all, I have never met a man who enjoys the women in their life getting their fingers in their job stuff. It's like telling him you don't think he can do it on his own. Men need you to coddle their ego a bit. He's got to be feeling down on himself right now. He probably deserves a rest anyway.

As for the obsession thing? I think he is going a little overboard. There is love. And that can come really fast and be honest love - especially when you aren't young and stupid anymore. But what gets my attention, is he seems desperate about it. There is passionate and then desperation. I would seriously think twice before making long term commitments. I'm sorry if this is too negative. He sounds like a great guy. But a really really great guy...can wait.

Blogget Jones said...

Gingers Mom, I agree on both points. What concerned me about Old BF's job hunt was that it was expected that I do it for him. And yes, Ranger has been feeling down, which is even more reason to not do anything to make it worse.

Your point about "desperation" vs. "passion" is right on. And you're not being negative. I think he's reacting to everything else being so out of control that he wants to make sure this commitment is nailed down. But it's only been four months....or will be at that time. I don't think I want to do that yet.