....and not worrying too much about it at the moment...although other moments drive me stinkin' bonkers. Another day in paradise. (did the sarcasm come through?)
Fella is seriously screwing things up. I talk to him on his way home on Monday. He's exhausted beyond belief. We're having a good conversation, and all of a sudden he says, "I'll call you back later. Okay?" I say ....okay.... and I know full well he won't call back later. And he doesn't. No one is surprised. I text on Tuesday morning, to wish good luck for the basketball game (they've had two games and one tournament so far, won the games and took 2nd in the tourney) and to say I'm a little worried about him being so worn out, so be careful. He calls Tuesday night. They won the game, but he's even more worn out and getting sick. Hoping it doesn't turn into bronchitis or pneumonia.
It should be noted here that he's been really cranky in both conversations. His physical state is really getting to him.
He gets to the canyon and says bye, and he'll call me the next day. Any bets on him calling? Anyone? Yeah, I wouldn't take that one either. No call Wednesday. I did text to say I hoped he was feeling okay. No call Thursday, even though I left a message. Any bets on hearing from him today? Now I'm getting cranky. I know, I know....he's probably sick. Have some patience. I just remember a couple of weeks ago, when he'd text "You up?" and such. You'd think he could do something.
I'm thinking my weekend is blown, one way or the other.
South Carolina and I had a chance to talk, in email, about our respective situations. The conversation was delayed because of a sudden need to dig up his banana trees and move them inside before the frost. Yep, banana trees.
He's a nice guy, but with some serious upheaval going on. I told him about Fella, including the fact that we do not have a physical relationship and that I feel he's really taking me for granted, although I've been quite involved with his family. And he told me about his situation. His crazy, effed-up situation.
His marriage fell apart because his wife had an affair. Sounds to me like he still hurts from it. "It makes me cringe," he said. I can understand that -- I know the pain of that betrayal all too well. However, his ex has recently been diagnosed with two brain aneurysms (he gave me all the medical terms, but this will suffice). This will require very serious surgical procedures. The first, and most invasive, will be on November 20th. She'll need help in recovering, and it's been decided she'll move back into his house and he'll be her caregiver.
"I know this is really effed up," he said in an IM to me. "And I'm sorry."
Danger, Will Robinson!
Yeah, I see all the red-flag possibilities, but what do I want from this after all? I mean, he's nearly two thousand miles away. We talked about that we each go to a lot of conferences, and this kind of thing has never happened before. He put it as, we have "synergy" on many levels. There's mutual trust, respect, and (of course) affection. We'll just have to ride it out and see what's what.
In the meantime, he wants to know all about my life, my family, my ups and downs. And I want to be a support to him in the upheaval he has going on. He's keeping me updated.
And he's sending me a banana tree.
11 comments:
*Disclaimer* The below statements are one bloggers opinion.
Blogget I think you need to wait until New Fella is feeling better and then give him a good run down on how you feel about his shitty phone etiquette.
Start off with that you understand that he's busy, been sick, and even busier still but that you do not beleive you deserve his disrespect.
To over and over say "I'll call you ____" And then not is:
Disrepectful
Lying
Total Lack of Common Curtesy
Just plain Rude
I understand if it's only happened like one or two times but over and over is just plain unacceptable.
Let him know you like hime (if you do) you respect his busy life and understand, but that you need him to follow through or just be honest.
That's it. Done. I've had my say.
Ok I'd also like to do a run-by kick in the shin on his ass for being a douche (because I'm a chick and I can feel that way if I want!)
My opinion of the sort is that you need to cut loose from both. Of course you know a long distance relationship just isn't going to work. Everyone has needs etc and it will end up being a strain.
As for fella, I think I said this before, but do you really want an extra set of issues? He definitely comes with plenty of baggage and it sounds like it is getting worse. I respect that he wants to care for the mother of his children and someone he was in love with at one point, but certainly this will be just one more stumbling point and obligation that comes between you. What happens when you need a sounding board? Will he listen for you? Will he have time? Can he be compassionate when there is someone in the other room who just had brain surgery?
I hate coming across insensitive, but as an E-Friend, I would want someone for you that doesn't have 2k miles or countless issues of their own. I want you to have someone that provides you with pages of blog material not riddled with "how should I handle this" questions.
Dhor: I agree. Once he's feeling better, I need to let him know how much this not calling when he says thing BUGS THE CRAP out of me. It makes me feel ignored, and I soooo hate that. I'm all about not being demanding or "high maintenance," but I don't think this is asking a lot.
Sgt: Yes, but one little point of clarification. The long-distance guy and the one with the ill ex are the same guy.... Fella's ex is fine and five hours away. But that's why I said, "What do I want from this after all?" I'm not interested in a long distance relationship. I mean, across the state would be bad enough, but across the country? Ugh. No. But he needs a friend and I can be that. If our circumstances change someday, then maybe. But for now....it just wouldn't work.
Honestly, I need someone who is going to be a stand-up guy for me. Someone who gives the attention I got from South Carolina, but is right here. I don't know if Fella can be that guy, or his defenses are too thick. I'm running out of patience, though.
Thanks so much, my e-friends!
I think Fella should be re-named once again. To Dumped fella. But that's just me. And you can keep SC for the talks that you'll wanna have when you re-name Fella. :)
I'm sorry that everything's so fucked up (can I say "fuck" here?) but you know what they say, when life gives you banana tree...
just remember, it's not the size of the banana tree that counts...
Just read the whole saga. Wow and dang. I echo the bye-bye Fella sentiments. Pretty poor reflection on him that someone 1800 miles away is showing him up.
Krissie: You might be right. We'll see how the weekend pans out. If I don't get *something* tonight or tomorrow, then I've just had it. There's no reason why I should be the only one trying here. At the risk of sounding egotistical, I'm waaay too good to be treated like that.
Holly: Oh LOL, true.... He seems to be doing okay in the banana tree department....
Kimberly: You're a fast reader! Yeah, it's become more frustration than joy. So, I'm not feeling terribly motivated!
At the risk of sounding egotistical, I'm waaay too good to be treated like that.
Atta girl!
Krissie: Well, it's kinda true.... In a relationship, I'm the most loving, attentive, affectionate, considerate, giving, low-maintenance girl a guy could ask for. I don't think I ask for much, but I do want what I give reciprocated.
And thanks for the encouragement! ;o)
Now I'm more of a Johnny-Come-Lately to this whole affair, but I feel I can offer an unbiased opinion as just an interested observer. No offense is intended, and I have no problem being told to go to hell. :)
Fella seems to be on the fence about moving your relationship to the next level. A direct and honest conversation without bringing in who has or hasn't done this or that is in order, but you should articulate why what's going on now just isn't enough. If there's anything I've learned, men have their own timetables about all things relationship-wise, but if your timetable and his are incompatible, it might be best to cut ties now before you become even more emotionally involved.
As for SC, I'm thinking that may just be a 'what if' situation. You're tryst in Utah may have been romantic and fun, but you guys are now back in the real world, and while you can be his friend, it seems he does not have the room for someone serious in his life. Not because he doesn't want it but because life has thrown him a curve ball. Asking you to invest in him on any deep emotional level is unfair on his part.
Good Luck! Remember your worth!
Sassy --
Yep, I think Fella needs to know I'm not just gonna sit around and wait for him to get around to something. Anything. I need a little more from him -- even if it's calling when he says he will -- and if that's no good, then fine. There's other options and I'm just soooo tired of worrying about this.
South Carolina and I are just going to let things coast along. It would be different if we were any sort of proximity to each other, but that's not reality. We can't date, we can't see each other, we have complicated lives, but we like each other a whole lot....that sounds like a good case for friendship at the moment. If all that changes someday, good. If not, okay. We still value something in each other.
Thanks ;o) I appreciate your candor!
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