Conversations

I spoke with Fella's daughter this afternoon, about what she wants to do with her life. This is something we started last week, when she became depressed about where she is in her life. She has been offered the job that's two hours away, but she doesn't know if she wants to make that drive anymore. She is thinking about going to school and getting the degree she really wants, to do what she really wants. She was talking to me about bad bosses and changing careers for about a half-hour, then says, "Oh yeah, Dad's out running errands. You're supposed to call him on his cell phone. He has a new one, so he hears it now."

So, I do. We make plans for later. Dinner and a movie. We see the movie first -- "No Country for Old Men." If you don't want my opinion of it, then skip to the next paragraph now. Okay, still reading? Then I'm assuming it's okay to say....this movie bites the big one. No kidding. It's horrendously violent, with a "message" at the end that is incredibly depressing. And the ending is extremely bizarre. You know it's bad when the credits start rolling and someone in the dark says, "You have GOT to be kidding!"

We went to dinner and talked about a lot of things. We're particularly batting around this idea I've presented to my boss about taking our distance learning program beyond higher education and into the 7th-12th grade market. It needs more research, but is doable. At least, we think so. So does my boss. Now we have to research it thoroughly.

He tells me about the situation at his school, which has the potential to become very bad for him soon, with the resignation of his school's principal. In the past, I'd mentioned to him the possibility of working in a local school. I have a friend who can pull those strings. I refrained from mentioning it again. Good thing. This conversation took a left turn.

You know, I think we had one of those "hard conversations" he talked about a few weeks ago. He said we'd have to have a "hard conversation" about things he done that he's not proud of, if we decided to take this to the next level.

Well, I really don't get the feeling that the "next level" is in the foreseeable future, but for some reason he felt the need to have this conversation. For two hours. I knew something different was coming, I could see the left turn ahead, when he stared a little too intently into his water glass, nervously thumping the side of his glass with his fingers, and not looking up at me.

So, here's the thing that makes it hard, the thing he's not proud of. During his divorce, he took up with a woman he taught with. About a month into it, he realized she was a serious meth and cocaine addict. Instead of bailing, he decided he could, single-handedly, "fix her." Does that work, boys and girls? No. Never. He ended up dragged into the muck with her, culminating in their arrest for cocaine possession.

His case never went to trial, his records were sealed, because he agreed to a course of action that included counseling and random testing. But his personal and professional life went to Hell.

His ex used it as the basis for getting a restraining order, to keep him from contacting his then-11-year-old son. She tried to force the 19-year-old to follow suit, but he refused. She didn't speak to the son for nine months for that. Fella was in agony over not seeing his youngest son for about 6 months, and she willingly stopped speaking to the other son. I can't fathom that, really, but that's another topic.

He lost his teaching job. He taught on a reservation for a year because they were the only ones who would have him. He needed to be close to his family, so he took other, almost demeaning, jobs closer to them. He spent the next three years looking for that one school in Colorado who would give him a second chance. He screwed up, but he is a damn good teacher.

He told me about all the good interviews that went bad when they learned his history, the teaching positions that dried up because of "anonymous tips" from the school where his ex-wife works. Then, he told me about getting the call that gave him that break, literally while packing his moving truck to move from the home he couldn't keep. And the tears flowed again, when he talked about looking up from the back of the moving van to tell his father he would finally be teaching again, and holding onto him and his oldest son while they all cried in relief.

When the pause came, I told him that I really feel like most of us have things we'd rather not remember, but that it's what we do with it that matters. We have a choice. He nodded vigorously, but kept his eyes downcast.

Again, the Lord answers our prayers in unexpected ways. I have been praying that if Fella and I are meant to be closer, that He let me see this happen soon. Time will tell if "closer" is happening. When I left his house, he seemed reluctant to go in. He lingered with me. He kissed me twice, and said, "See you next time." I'm not sure he could have said anything more ambiguous.

But that's all right. I'll see how this settles out. I'm not sure what made him decide it was time for a hard conversation, as he calls it. When I left his house, I decided enough had been said about it all, so I left it alone. Did he want me to say more? And if so, what? I don't really know what else can be said. He might be waiting to see if I run away. We'll just have to see.