Finding what's important

Ranger has been through an emotional wringer lately. However, he's managed to boil things down to what's most important for his life goals. I have to admire him for that. I'm not always so focused. Here's what I mean.

He's been dealing with craziness from his ex, or "PsychoBimbo" as he's referring to her now. She keeps calling to ask his advice on her relationship. The one she broke up their marriage for. But she won't tell Ranger any details about him. She just calls the guy her "friend."

She's been saying is that Ranger doesn't know him, and that she's just started sleeping with the guy. Now, she keeps calling to say that having sex with this guy might have been a mistake. And that she thinks maybe divorcing Ranger was a mistake. He agrees, but is thankful for it now.

The other day, she dropped the bomb that the guy is a friend of Ranger's. One he knows she's been attracted to for about 10 years. A few things are falling into place, like the likelihood that this was a long-standing affair.

Why tell him this? Well, she's been trying to make his jealous, so he'll come back to her. It's not working, so now she's mad and trying to hurt him. And she DOES hurt him, but in the way you hurt when you know you've been a fool.

He holds his tongue better than I would, though. She's highly competitive with him. He's been vague about me, giving her sketchy details about what I do.

"I broke up with my friend," she said to Ranger last night.

"Okay," he said. He doesn't encourage conversation.

"Aren't you dating a teacher?" she asked last night.

"Yes," Ranger said. Technically, part of my job is to teach teachers.

"Yeah, well, I'm dating a principal now," she said, thinking she'd one-upped him.

Ranger started laughing. If he wanted to get into the pissing match, he'd tell her I'm actually in administration, too. In higher education.

She plowed on through. "Do you want to hear about it?" she asked.

"Not really," Ranger said. "Actually, I'd rather not have verbal contact with you at all."

"Fine," she said. She then showed her rage by hanging up on him. Thus, giving him what he wanted in the first place.

She's also refused to give him a copy of his divorce papers. He finally pulled them from the court docs online. That and a few other things like there was a child support revision hearing about two weeks ago, that he was never told about. Many falsified documents. And a record of her filing for divorce back in 1999...and he never knew.

He was FURIOUS. I mean....can you imagine? He called me, with a head of all kinds of vengeful things to do. I let him fume. Then, I let him think. And he calmed down. It boils down to this: under the law in his home state, if any fraudulent activity is proven in court, then the divorce is nullified.

He doesn't want that. So, he's not pursuing it.

"You've shown me something better," he said. "You've shown me how love should be. You've given me something real. I want my energy to go there, to us. Not to all this negative bullcrap." I'm quite proud of him, actually. It's tough to just let it go when you have so many reasons to be furious.

Last night, we were talking on the phone. He's exhausted by all of this, so he came to see me for his days off. It helped. He's in a hotel here, finally relaxing.

"Can I confess something," he asked.

"Sure you can," I said. I braced myself. What followed those words had never been good, in my experience.

"It's hard for me to not imagine our lives together. I mean, merging together. Into one."

I smiled, relieved.I'm so thankful for his tendency to be up-front. "I know," I said. "I imagine that a lot myself." And I do. Although I've said I am in no hurry for anything, it sure would be nice to have someone there at the end of the day, and in the chill of the night. I think of that and just have to say Someday....

I heard him exhale, like sigh of relief. "I'm glad to know that. I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking these things. I don't want to spook you, though. I know you've been through some bad stuff, and I understand you being wary."

"It's okay," I said. "You're not that guy, are you? You've been through bad stuff, too. You get where I'm coming from."

"Yeah, but that's the beauty of it, isn't it? I talk about things and you understand them, without me having to explain."

He's right. We're quite a pair. We've had similar experiences. Our thoughts and feelings tend to be similar. I'm more afraid to reveal them than he is. That just generally doesn't work out for me. Remember what happened with Fella? Yeah, that tends to smart.

On that note, we slept. The next morning, I got kids ready for school, did the Mom-Taxi thing, then knocked on Ranger's door. He was groggy when he answered, but very glad to see me.

"I've been thinking," he said. Another phrase I've learned to dread. He sat next to me on the edge of the bed.

"There's a lot of anger and negativity going on right now," he said. "But I don't want to focus on that. I don't want it to detract from what's going on with me. With you. This is so good that I just want to grab on with two hands and never let go. But that's scary to me, because I know you've been burned and you're gun-shy."

He paused. "But you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. You've saved me. And I don't want to lose that. I want you part of my life, always."

He moved his hand over mine, stroking the ring he gave me. "I gave you this as my promise to you, that you'll never have that hurt or worry again. I love you and will take care of you."

Ranger took a deep breath, looking down. "When I met you, I told you that I couldn't imagine being married again. But you've changed that. So....what I want to know is if, when the time is right in our lives...."

He finally looked up and directly into my eyes.

"...would you marry me?"

He phrased this very carefully. He's not asking for engagement, at the moment. Ranger wants to know if, when I think of our future, would I ever consider taking him as my husband?

After my initial surprise (which, I'm told, left me with a "priceless" look on my face), I said:

"I would love to be married to you." I threw my arms around him with complete abandon. "I can't imagine being without you."

And it's true. When we're together, it's bliss. When we're apart, it's agony. We just fit. I love every moment, and never want it to end. Now, I'm delighted beyond words to know that his heart is saying the same thing.