The psycho bitch in me

So, I have a little psycho bitch in my veins. I can now admit it. Someone has messed with me. Someone has hurt me. I can torment them because I'm smarter. How can I let a chance like that go by?

Obviously, I can't tell anyone I know what I'm doing or they'd be shocked and appalled at me. So, dear diary, I'll spill it to you.

So, A-hole says he "isn't ready" to date and wants to be my "friend" for now. He contacts me once in a blue moon to tell me he's still "decompressing" from dealing with his divorce. The one I know hasn't been filed yet. I know he's lying. He's an Internet Casanova and he's out there trolling, thinking I'll hang out on the back burner.

I don't simmer well.

Why do I think he's lying? Because he has a profile on a dating site and it's riddled with lies and schmoozy language that is even beneath Lando Calrissian. Two can play at that sabacc table. I made up a profile, too. I gave her one of those sexy names men like, a good job, a difficult ex (not a stretch for me to imagine!), and hobbies I know A-hole likes. The capper is that I used a photograph of my dear old friend, who loved flirting online, but hated how men used women. She passed away several years ago, but this is just the kind of thing she would get into.

A-hole has taken the bait - hook, line, and slimeball. He's using the same lines on her that he used on me, but she's not going to be the sucker I was. Everything I suspected about him is true. Which bites, but as the song says, revenge is served sweeter cold. Eventually, she'll find his public information and confront him. But she'll turn out to be married, too, and lying to him.... The tables will turn. He'll be the one looking for that email from her.

Thanks to the idiosyncrasies of Yahoo Messenger's many incarnations, I can have her showing up online at the same time my ID shows up. She types differently than I do, too, and misspells a lot. The editor in me has remembered all of the bad syntax and spellings that I see online, and this woman is going to use them all. We aren't recognizable as the same person.

What goes around, A-hole. I warned you not to lie to me. I'll let my inner bitch out to play.