Tuesday, March 16, 2004

So, I said earlier that the Internet now allows a guy to forgo the polite preliminaries and just say "Wanna f*ck." A few months ago, I get a really nice, respectful, intelligent message from this guy and let him know how much I appreciated that approach. We've had some good conversations since then, discussed a lot of common interests, joked around -- you know. We flirted, but he didn't degrade it to "What's your bra size?" or any such nonsense. A nice, smart guy.

So, he gives me his phone number, says to please call. I'm shy about that, so I don't. He says he'd like to meet me. He suggests one day and I can't go. I suggest another. We make plans to meet at a cafe. Casual. Relaxed. No pressure.

The day before, his car breaks down. He leaves me a phone message about it and asks to reschedule. I try to call him back, but have to leave a voicemail. Over two days, I try twice more, then give up. My gut speaks -- the sucker is dodging me. He asked for all of this, and he's dodging me.

So, this morning I get a message, finally. But it's online. He's not ready to take out friendship further and he was surprised to feel "invaded" by my calls.


I had an online conversation with him about this. I was understandably upset. He gave me his phone number. He asked me out. He left a message for me to return. However, me accepting those things is somehow wrong. He wants to be my friend while he figures out why he is nearly 40 and can't maintain a relationship. Then, I suppose he expects to go out with me and see if he's fixed the problem.

Does any of this sound fair? Right? Does anyone else feel I have a right to be at least miffed about this?

This attitude is exactly what I hate about a lot of romance movies:
"I like you."
"I like you, too."
"Let's go out."
"Yes, let's."
"I think I'm falling in love."
"So do I."
"WAIT! I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN! I'M FREAKING OUT!" This person hides, afraid to be happy, afraid to just let it all happen without beating it to death with a wringing of hands and ulcer-burning worry.

The second person moons about the rest of the movie, dealing with having their heart shoved up their nose.

This is apparently similar to the same routine this guy puts people through, except with me he did that at the "Let's go out" stage. L-o-v-e-l-y.

I suppose I'm fortunate that he thinks enough of me to not want to do that to me, further down the road. The whole attitude makes me ill, though, as it does in those movies. I get so sick of the emotional cripple routine. Dang, people, GROW UP!

So, here's the point I'm getting at (finally): Life is way too short to waste it on ringing your hands and fussing until the whole experience passes you by. Let yourself LOVE and be LOVED. Be INVOLVED in someone. Okay, sometimes it hurts. Life hurts. It's not pretty and clean, with smooth edges. This is what hones us into individuals. Live and learn. Don't shut yourself down and waste the whole trip.

So, the ball is in his court. If he wants to talk, he can call or email. I'm not doing another stinkin' thing. Warning to him (and those in similar mindsets): wring your hands too long and bury your head in the sand too deep, and I'll be GONE. When you come to, you'll find I'm no longer there. I'm not wasting my life on waiting.

I'm a pretty spectacular partner, in so many ways. Someone out there will appreciate that and reciprocate it, if he doesn't. So, snooze you lose, bud. Life is too damned short.

Goodnight folks. If your sheets are cold, figure out why and find a way to remedy that, for good and without wasting time.

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