Sunday, November 02, 2008

A little song, a little dance....

...Drama Queen's head on a lance. I really chewed her ass out on Halloween.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. The last week has been rough with Son. He's been pleasant enough to me, but he's spiraling apart, I think.

The problem is that Son doesn't handle the stress of school very well. We do okay at the beginning of the school year, but around Spring Break time, he's starting to lose it. The stress hits and he gets angry, moody, and difficult. He starts hating certain teachers and not doing the school work, which gets him in trouble, and the vicious circle continues. He gets discouraged. I have trouble getting him to school. Now, we have a new thing. He just starts ditching classes.

As I said, this usually starts around Spring Break. The trouble is that only one quarter of the school year has passed now, and he's already hit this point. And beyond. It's gotten much, much worse. I've been seeing some signs of depression now. I mean clinical depression. It's really bad.

But here's the thing. Remember, Son is my adopted child. His birth mother is my sister. He is aware that my sister has depression problems. He knows nothing of his biological father. I do, but I won't share this information until he's an adult. One of the things I'm not sharing is that his paternal grandmother committed suicide. His biological father was discharged from the Navy after suicide attempts. You can see why I'm hesitant to talk about this and plant that seed in his thinking.

And his mood swings are getting bad. Especially with his grandmother. He will scream and curse at her one minute, then be pleasant and "happy-go-lucky" the next. His school day drives him up the wall. "I could get the work done if they'd just shut up," he says. "I understand and they just keep talking and talking. Shut up so I can do some work!" He's very angry most of the time.

If there's one thing I know, it's distance education. Homeschooling is becoming a real possibility with him. He likes the idea. It suits his learning style. And it avoids a truancy problem, which is screaming up on us.

So, the education issue I can handle. The depression and mood swings, not so much. We went to the doctor. On Halloween afternoon. We went in really hoping to get some answers and help with his moods. The doctor asked him a bunch of questions, and Son mentioned that he had trouble sleeping.

"You could have insomnia," the doctor said. She gave him some things to read about helping you sleep without drugs. "Let's get your sleep in order and then see how your depression does." Sounds reasonable, especially since Son is currently set against taking any medication. But I think Son expected more from the doctor, more on the depression front. So, he left a little disappointed and not sure focusing on the sleep problems was the best idea.

But the evening could be salvaged. When the doctor asked what things he looked forward to, what he did that made him happy, he said, "Watching Texas Tech play football, and watching Ghost Hunters."

I had no idea he loved those two things so much. He'd been talking for two weeks about the 7-hour live Ghost Hunters on Halloween. He wanted snacks for it. He talked about giving out candy to trick-or-treaters. He was excited!

So, we got home. Drama Queen came over. I was going to meet Ranger for dinner, then watch Ghost Hunters with him. We'd all been planning this for a couple of weeks.

I'm headed down the road, nearly to Ranger's house. My phone rings. It's my mom, stressed to the gills.

"Can you come home?" she said. "Pick up Ranger and just come home. Son and DQ are arguing and it's getting bad. I don't know what to do."

Apparently, DQ announced that she wanted Son to take her trick-or-treating. He hates this. He thinks that going door to door for candy when you're old enough to hold a job is stupid. And he's been planning on this thing for weeks. He's so excited.

But no. DQ wants to trick-or-treat. Or go to a movie. Anything that's NOT what he wanted to do. My mother tries to talk to her.

"Son has had a hard day," she says.

"I've had a hard day, too," says DQ.

"But he's really been looking forward to this. He's been talking about it all week."

"I don't really like that show," says DQ. Yeah, right. She's been watching it every Wednesday night, and NOW she doesn't like it. Right. The thing he's been looking forward to is due to start in 10 minutes, and she's changing her story. Genius.

DQ goes to talk to Son, and starts yelling at him. My mother called me. I called Ranger.

"Our plans just got turned upside down," I said.

"What's wrong?" he asked. I explained.

"So, do you mind coming to the house with me until I figure out what's going on?"

"Babe, I don't mind at all. I just want to be with you. But I wish you weren't under so much stress." He paused. "I had something planned for you. Can I tell you what it was?"

I agreed that he could. Then, as he described the evening he had planned. After dinner, he would have two things ready for me. A container of warm water, scented with bath salts, and my favorite lotion warmed up. And Ghost Hunters on the TV in the bedroom.

I was to undress after dinner, and stretch out on the bed. As I watched Ghost Hunters, he would soak a washcloth in the warm, scented water and wash me, from head to toe. Then, he'd massage me with my lotion, until the stress was melted away.

It was so sweet. And so ruined. I started to cry. I pulled up to his house for a moment, and he held me while I cried as much as I'd let myself. Then, he got his car and followed me home.

At home, I went straight to the argument. They were staring at each other, angry. I said, "Okay. My plans are now to sit on this couch and wait for you two to cut this crap out. I'm giving you a few minutes to figure out what's going on now, and let me know. I'm not sitting here all night."

Ranger sat on the couch, talking to my folks. My mother was visibly relieved that I was there. The minutes tick by. I'm getting pissed. I head back to Son and DQ. At least the hollering has stopped.

They've made peace. He's just told her what the doctor said. I walk in and she says to him, "See, I told you your doctor is a quack." Then to me, "There's no way he has insomnia."

I lost it.

"Our doctor is certainly NOT a quack. She's doing the best she can with what he told her. She's listening to him and trying to help. I don't appreciate you undermining the help he's getting."

DQ is frozen, glaring at me. See, she has an agenda. She wants Son to see her psychiatrist, and only her psychiatrist.

"Furthermore, I'm sick of waiting around for you all to get your act together."

"We want to rent a movie," she says.

"Oh really? And watch it where? I hope you're not planning on using the TV because I've been planning on watching Ghost Hunters, and I'm not letting you hijack more of my evening. These are plans that we've had for weeks, and now it's changing and I'm not sure why."

Son is pointing at DQ behind her back.

"But I've had it. You've hijacked enough of my time tonight."

DQ is texting. She looks up. "It doesn't matter now," she says in her best drama voice. "My mother is coming to pick me up now."

"Fine," I said. "Son, do you want to have dinner with Ranger and I?" He said yes. We waited for DQ to leave and the three of us went to dinner.

Son's mood improved almost as soon as she left. Ranger opened up to him over dinner about his own depression problems, just after his ex filed for divorce. He explained the medication he'd been on to get through that time. Son listened. They threw ice at each other. It was a good time.

We went home. We watched Ghost Hunters. We gave candy to little children. Son got his evening, as he'd wanted it, but without DQ. And you know what? He didn't miss her....or rather, her drama.

Later on, Son looked up some things about insomnia. Guess what he found out! There's several types of insomnia. And his symptoms match one of them. Not such a quack after all. Shut up, DQ.


Jen - Queen of Poo said...

Wow. I'm so thankful I've managed to keep the drama down to a minimum in my life. I detest drama. It still crops up from time to time, just to remind me that some people suck, though. :-)

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry that your son (and as a result, you and the rest of your family) are having to deal with this. Depression and suicide run deep on my mother's side of the family, and while I have been proactive about medication and dealing with it, my sister has not . . . the fallout of all her 'adventures' in psychosis have been far-reaching and damaging to my family. I hope that son is able to get some help and relief and that he starts to see that DQ may not be the best influence in his life - it is hard enough being a teenager without the pressure of relationships! Hugs!

Blogget Jones said...

Jen -- "just to remind me that some people suck..." That's so true! LOL

F and F -- Luckily, my son has learned from stories about my sister that substance abuse would not help at all. He's stayed away from that. Now, if he'll listen to the doctor and take her recommendations, we'll be on the right path. We see her again on Friday. And you're right -- the pressures on him are really heavy, and having DQ-know-it-all around really undermines things.

Thanks so much for your support!

:o) BJ

Walker said...

I don't know.
With all the problems your son has on his mind the last thing he needs is to deal with that snotty little wench.
I think you sould give her your boot agenda

Blogget Jones said...

Walker -- it's funny, but DQ is treading carefully with me. I think I made it clear that her interference will not be tolerated, and she's in danger of being banned. I'm watching her, and she knows it! Nothing like a mad Mama....