Thursday, July 24, 2008

Today's Post #1: Medical update

Warning: this might be gross. If squeamish, quit reading now. If talking about my lady parts is uncomfortable, then you might wanna quit reading now, too.

So, I went to the urgent care place on Saturday. The young doc (hereafter referred to as Doogie) took a look and said it was something called a Bartholin's Cyst. He decided to cut on me a bit and drain it more. He needed to actually put a drain in it, but didn't have one. He warned me that this kind of thing was tough to numb, but he'd try.

I felt a couple of shots, but then nothing of the first cut. He made "hmmm" noises and told me he wasn't happy with the result. So, he cut more. THAT I felt. I'd warned Doogie that anesthesia wore off quickly on me, but did he listen? Nooooo..... So, OUCH!

"You handled that much better than most people do," the nurse said. WTF?!?!

Doogie set to dressing the wound, told me to keep a gauze pad on it, take baths, take the antibiotic he gave me, and see my regular doctor on Monday. If I couldn't get in to see her then, I was to come back to see Doogie Monday night.

No. Way.

So, I headed home. Oh good Lord, I was in pain! It was 10:30 AM and I was exhausted. I debriefed my mom and Ranger on what happened, then I needed to pee. I could already feel that Doogie's wound dressing was larger than the ping pong ball I'd dealt with a couple of days before. That would have to come off before I could pee. What disturbed me was the sensation that told me I had tape up one side of my ass. Exactly how had he taped this thing?

In the bathroom, I reached down to remove the bandages. And got a surprise. Doogie, in his brilliance, had completely covered and taped shut all the parts I needed to pee. A HUGE wad of gauze and bandages was taped across my lady parts, with tape cross-crossing from the inside of right leg to my left cheek. Lady parts were literally taped closed.

WTF?!?! I mean, really. W. T. F.

So, as I held back peeing, I ripped tape off my lady hairs as carefully but quickly as I could. I pulled tape off my ass. I peeled back layers and layers of bandages. And finally, FINALLY got to relieve myself.

Couldn't freakin' believe it.

On Monday, my doctor wasn't available, but her partner was. Nice doctor. She didn't cut on me. She confirmed it as a Bartholin's Cyst, and referred me to a gyno surgeon. Apparently, this is in a gland and would most likely need to be surgically removed. Brilliant.

Greg texted me while I was at the pharmacy. I told him I'd had a doctor's appointment.

"Your problem is you have a bad case of being hot," he said, giving me a much-needed smile.

So, on Tuesday, I meet Dr #3 in this saga. I tell him the story and he takes a look.

"This isn't a Bartholin's Cyst," he said. He poked at me to show where the Bartholin's gland is. Not near this thing. "This is an abscess, probably starting as just an ingrown hair or something. All the heat and walking in Vegas just aggravated it. A lot."

He explained the best course of treatment. He did not cut on me. And, bless him, he looked again and said, "Do you need something for pain?"

He was the first doctor to ask me that. And I love him for it.

I got some sleep last night, at last. I see him again in a week. My boss is being wonderful and not asking too many questions, and letting me work from home. Whew.

3 comments:

Fishsticks and Fireflies said...

'Slicing and dicing' and 'lady bits' do not belong anywhere near each other. ANYWHERE. So glad your regular OB/GYN is old enough to have finished medical school and knows enough to know that you won't need surgery!

Walker said...

Doctors arre quick to pull out the knives and spaple guns to fix things I think.

Cyst or ingrown hair, that's a far cry from each other.
Doogie needs more reading to do and his drugside manner is little to admire.

Slice and dice with no doggie bag of painkillers is unproffessional.
How are the drug companies supposed to survive?

I hope you get better soon and don't have to wear the chastity gauze belt for to long

Blogget Jones said...

Fishsticks -- too true! I think the incision site hurts more than anything else right now.

Walker -- chastity gauze belt!! ROFL! So true....