"Like a rock star"

"I did something last night I haven't done in a really long time," Ranger said quietly.

It was early on Monday morning. He's planning on coming to my town that night, and staying in a motel through Wednesday. He woke up before dawn and watched the stars, before calling me when he knew I'd be awake, but not yet out of bed.

"What's that?" I said, not sure what to expect of the answer.

"I prayed."

I caught my breath. Ranger is a little ambiguous about religion. He believes that there's a supreme being, and your life is guided and judged by right choices. He was raised by a Mormon mother, so he understands my perspective. But for him to actually sit down and address The Almighty....well, that's something else.

"You did?"

"Yes. I don't like to pray to ask for anything. But last night I asked if you could please be the one for me."

And I wished I could hold him right then.

He composed an email to me while he was working the lonely entry booth that day. I was working in another town, so I saw it towards the end of the day. He sent it just before making the drive to my town. He said:

"I want you to be my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my blanket, my pillow, my first sight in the morning, my last sight at night, my advocate, my teacher, my student, my partner, my equal, my sun, my moon, my flower, my rose petal, my shoulder to cry on, my cuddling mate, my tickle fight opponent, my French kissing sparring partner, my warm soft hug haven, my faerie princess, my lady to champion, my everything;

"The object of my admiration, my affection, my respect, my love and my inspiration;

"A part of my life, my love, my day, my night, my very being and my soul;

"The one who I sing songs to, make love with, cook dinner for, stay up late with, hug for no reason, hold hands with daily, sleep next to nightly, love intensely, laugh with, cry with, discover new activities with, talk all night with;

"And we will watch the sunrise, the sunset, the rain, the lightening, the snow, the seasons change, the stars, each other, and the years go by!"

WOW. What do you say to that? "Me, too" seems a little lame! He says my emails to him take his breath away, but this time, he's taken mine.

I had to go to the grocery store that night. Ranger had just gotten into town, so he agreed to go with me. I went by the hotel to pick him up. He opened the door and his exhaustion was apparent. He held me close and nuzzled my neck.

"Do you know why I prayed?" he asked. I shook my head. He took a deep, shaky breath. "I don't want this to go bad," he said. "I don't want it to be another wasted 24 years of meanness."

I pulled back. "You know that's not me," I said. "I can't be like that." His ex-wife has really wrung him out, closing off his access to their financial resources and his own paycheck, so that he'd be stranded in Utah. She belittles him and his interests. He's worn out.

He nodded. "I know. I'm just a little scared sometimes. It'll be okay," he said. "You're everything I've wanted, all my life. And I've never felt like this before. I mean, I've been in love before, obviously, but not like this. I don't remember it ever being like this."

And we had a delightful time at the grocery store. I never really knew a trip to Safeway could be fun.

We planned time to be together over the next two days. I was to come by the motel and meet him for breakfast each day. Tuesday, I had time set aside for us to go do some things together. Tuesday night he was invited to dinner at my house. My father is out of town this week, so he just had to contend with meeting my mother. In many ways, she's the toughest nut to crack.

And I haven't brought anyone home to meet my parents since 1999. My mother's alert is up. This is bad because she's an intensely negative person. We've often had this conversation:

Mom: "Just remember, there is a reason why a person is divorced."
Me: "Mom. I am divorced."

Tuesday morning, I dropped by the motel to start our day together. Ranger once said to me, "There's two types of 'intercourse.' First, there's just sex. Second, there's making love. I don't do the first." And he meant it.

We've been honest with each other about some things in our sexual history. He promised patience and put me at ease. "I'll take the time to get to know you," he said. "For me to have pleasure, it must be all about you first." This made my spine tingle, so you can imagine how the rest of it went.

We missed breakfast. Well, we missed breakfast time. We had pancakes and eggs for lunch. Then we wandered through Hastings, looking at DVDs and Star Wars toys. He showed me his baby book and pics from his childhood. He let me in to some of the joys and tragedies he remembers.

Then, I had to go pick up children and get home. I had a dinner to make. Ranger was coming to my house that evening, and would meet my mother.

Oh man, was I nervous.

So was Ranger. He called me about what color shirt to wear. Blue or black? Blue, I said. It brings out his gorgeous eyes.

My nervousness was for naught. The evening went spectacularly well. Dinner turned out really good. My mother watched Ranger interact with my kids. He's very good with my son. He loaned him a video game, but only after getting a promise about getting homework done. I've talked to Ranger about some of my struggles with my son, and he's anxious to be a good male influence on him. We all laughed a lot that night. My mother felt comfortable enough with him that she was telling a story from my childhood and started to cry. He had a turn at seeing pics from my childhood, although my childhood does not have the pitfalls his did.

My mother likes him. A lot. And she's picking up that this one is special. She actually told him that he's the first man I've dated here who has been to the house. He later told me how much it means to him to be included around the dinner table with us. He never had that while he was married. He'd cook, but no one would come until later. He'd cook, eat, and clean up alone.

The next morning, I followed the same routine. After running the kids to school, I went to the motel and snuggled down with Ranger. This time, I walked in and he had a soundtrack prepared. His laptop played tug-at-the-heart-strings love songs all morning. Later, we cozied up and watched a movie on the laptop. We ate at a favorite Chinese restaurant, then I had to put in some time at work, and he had to run his errands. He had to drive home that afternoon, and we were poignantly aware of our time winding down.

I cruised towards my office, missing him already. Stopping at a light, I looked to my left. There he was, all the windows down in his car and grinning ear to ear at me. I put my window down and was hit with Nickelback's "Rockstar," at full volume. My guy knows how I am about Nickelback!

As we drove down the street towards the campus, we stayed side-by-side, singing along together. (Don't worry -- no cars were behind us, so no one was getting annoyed!) I waved as I turned towards my parking lot. My phone rang.

"That's how you make me feel," he said.

"How's that?"

"Like a rock star."

Later in the day, he stopped by my house to say goodbye. We stood on my back porch, looking at the mountains and watching a large group of kids tear up the playground down the hill.

"I need to ask you a question," he said.

"Okay, go ahead."

"First, we're exclusive, right? I mean, I don't want to see anyone else. Do you?"

"No, sweetie, I don't."

He hugged me to his side a little closer. It was chilly, so I snuggled in. "That's good. I thought so, but I wanted to be sure. Second question, is there anything else you expect that I should know about?"

I thought. Expect? I couldn't really think of anything we hadn't already talked about.

"I'll come to see you every week, when I'm off," he said. "Maybe you can come sometimes on a weekend." I agreed.

"Last question," he said. "Is there anything you need that I'm not doing?"

"Need?" I asked, puzzled.

"Yeah, anything," he paused, looking into my confused expression. "I don't want to screw this up, Blogget. If there's ever anything I'm not doing that I should be, please tell me. I don't want to lose you because I missed something."

He kissed me gently and said, "You are the love of my life."