Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Resolution, part deux

So my alter ego gets an IM out of the blue -- from guess who?

A-hole has a brand new Yahoo ID -- calling himself "hotrod" (IRL he goes by Rod). I guess pretending to be single and 6 years younger, while pulling your boxers up to your armpits, qualifies as "hot." I wonder how long until that ego suffocates him in his sleep?

He asked my alter ego to meet him for dinner, so he can explain the "long story" behind the ID change and the profile being deleted. I'm sure is an enthralling tale.

She told him to go eff himself. I'm so proud!

Yeah, that spa day is sounding better and better....

Thursday, August 16, 2007

The resolution?

I'm not sure if this is the end of A-hole, but something has blown him out of the water. His online dating profile has been disabled, or made "private." You can see some of it, but the picture is gone now.

This happened just after my alter ego stood him up at the alternative indie rock night. I wasn't sure if the profile was just down for review (which happens each time you change something in it), but it hasn't come back so someone got frustrated. Haha! Or maybe it has something to do with a letter his wife got, with a copy of his profile in it.... I can't be sure.

He's been playing with fire. In all the wrong places. He's finally gotten burned.

And let the burning continue! Have you all seen this site called Don't Date Him Girl? It's www.dontdatehimgirl.com. Check it out. It's a site where women can post pics and info of these kinds of louses, and the rest of the dating world can search for them. Oh YEAH!

I saw a news item on it, in which they interviewed the proprieter about their security measures, to protect the man's privacy (note: the interviewer was a man). She said if a woman posts the man's personal information - like name or email address - then the woman is banned from the site. What they didn't say is that the woman's login is shut out, but the registration process is so simple that making another is easy. AND -- here's the kicker -- the information she posted stays on the site. They don't remove it or edit it at all.

It's delicious. So, A-hole now has his own little corner of dontdatehimgirl.com. Search for Grand Junction and you'll see him there. I posted it last night and this morning it already had 125 hits. Gotta love that.

I also sent him the classic kiss-off message this morning, finally responding to his "please be my friend" email of two weeks ago. He probably won't read it but it says he's a complete eff-up and I'm way out of his league, so see ya. You blew it, pal.

Oh, and I threw in a little tidbit, saying that in this small town, it was inevitable that I'd run into someone else he's met. And she's pissed to hear he's such a liar, so good luck with that. Paranoia is a lovely thing to instill in a jerkwad.

I feel much better now. My inner bitch can stand down for a little while.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Turn of phrase

I have made a few friends here, including one woman who is an incredible delight to know. She says what she thinks, politically-incorrect and inappropriate as it is. Her kids are grown and I find myself benefiting greatly from her wisdom.

One pearl stuck with the the other day, enough to share. I'm now dealing with two teenagers in my house, each developing into that wonderful independent person all moms hope to have, but dread to see needing you less and less.... Still, you have lessons to impart and boundaries to set, so the Butting of the Heads happens frustratingly often.

I sought refuge from the stresses of momhood and work the other day, in my friend's place of business. While I was there, one of her children called, complaining about the newlywed tug-of-war she was experiencing.

I've often heard the phrase, "Pick your battles," and it's helped me step back from a losing battle now and again. My friend uttered a twist on that phrase that gave me even more perspective, though, when dealing with most relationships.

"Well, darlin'," she said into the phone. "Just choose carefully what mountain you want to die on."

I'll keep that in mind now, too. (except where A-hole is concerned!)

Quick PSA

Most of my visitors see this blog for what it is -- commentary on the foibles of one life, with my twist to it. However, some don't seem to have The Big Picture.

For you, I feel the need to point out the obvious -- that what you read here is a small slice of my daily life. I am a complicated, peculiar woman. If I wrote about every aspect of my entire day, then I would do nothing but, and this would degrade into the painfully laborious. Much as this post is.

Back to our regularly scheduled blog, already in progress.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Have I met him? Well...sorta....

A-hole is having a week away with his kids, apparently. So, in the meantime....

I'm at a new friend's house the other day. She's very preggers and about to be induced in a couple of days. My daughter is going to pet-sit for her, so we're at the house getting the low-down on the pooch.

My new friend's husband is home, but I haven't met him yet. We're wrapping up our chat in the living room when I hear him coming down the hall. Oh, good! Time to meet the new daddy-to-be!

....in all his glory.... Evidently, he didn't hear us there. And rounds the corner completely naked.

He hollered, grabbed for his family jewels as a belated attempt to cover himself, and high-tailed his bare butt down the hall. She shrugged it off. I explained that he need not worry; I'm a remarkably difficult person to shock. We went on our way.

My daughter didn't see, thank goodness.


Friday, August 10, 2007

The payback begins

So, picture this. A-hole is so wrapped up in being someone y0unger than he really is. This is a 5'10" guy, within 5 months of turning 50, who drives a "family car," thick around the middle, listens to classic rock only, wears boxers that he pulls up halfway to his armpits, and probably wears socks with his sandals. Yet, he presents himself online as much younger, a Master Flirt, talks about how attractive his "shades" are in his pictures, the best kisser you'll ever have....and now he's shaved his head to be "in style". He also wants to frequent the college dance clubs. Ugh.

So, my A-hole-snagging persona drops the name of an obscure alternative indie rock band.

"I listen to them," he says. Yeah. Right.

What a coincidence. They are playing a show downtown. She already has plans to go, she says, but he's welcome to show up, too.

I'm waiting to hear if he did. And how he liked the show. I have this delightful image of his 70s-mellow-music-loving, mid-life crisis, shaved stupid-head stuck among a spike-haired, pierced, tattooed, bouncing mass of much younger humanity. They probably don't even wear any underwear, much less boxers that cover their ribcage.

And he paid a cover charge to be there. Don't feel bad for him being out the cash - he's the first to tell you that, as the owner of a "very successful" business, he can afford it.

More news soon, as I make it....

Monday, August 06, 2007

The psycho bitch in me

So, I have a little psycho bitch in my veins. I can now admit it. Someone has messed with me. Someone has hurt me. I can torment them because I'm smarter. How can I let a chance like that go by?

Obviously, I can't tell anyone I know what I'm doing or they'd be shocked and appalled at me. So, dear diary, I'll spill it to you.

So, A-hole says he "isn't ready" to date and wants to be my "friend" for now. He contacts me once in a blue moon to tell me he's still "decompressing" from dealing with his divorce. The one I know hasn't been filed yet. I know he's lying. He's an Internet Casanova and he's out there trolling, thinking I'll hang out on the back burner.

I don't simmer well.

Why do I think he's lying? Because he has a profile on a dating site and it's riddled with lies and schmoozy language that is even beneath Lando Calrissian. Two can play at that sabacc table. I made up a profile, too. I gave her one of those sexy names men like, a good job, a difficult ex (not a stretch for me to imagine!), and hobbies I know A-hole likes. The capper is that I used a photograph of my dear old friend, who loved flirting online, but hated how men used women. She passed away several years ago, but this is just the kind of thing she would get into.

A-hole has taken the bait - hook, line, and slimeball. He's using the same lines on her that he used on me, but she's not going to be the sucker I was. Everything I suspected about him is true. Which bites, but as the song says, revenge is served sweeter cold. Eventually, she'll find his public information and confront him. But she'll turn out to be married, too, and lying to him.... The tables will turn. He'll be the one looking for that email from her.

Thanks to the idiosyncrasies of Yahoo Messenger's many incarnations, I can have her showing up online at the same time my ID shows up. She types differently than I do, too, and misspells a lot. The editor in me has remembered all of the bad syntax and spellings that I see online, and this woman is going to use them all. We aren't recognizable as the same person.

What goes around, A-hole. I warned you not to lie to me. I'll let my inner bitch out to play.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

A hint from the universe

Okay, so, I'm thinking that my "anonymous" commenter is right. I need a break from dating. And the cosmos is backing up that opinion.

The scene: a good-sized social gathering, a recent evening. This man zeroes in on me. He has sweet eyes, is a successful business man, and is attentive. Obviously taken with me, too. I'm showered with compliments and he's expressing an interest in anything that pleases me.

Finally, I hear, "Would you like to go out Monday night?"

"Sure," I say, smiling. We share details and make plans. The evening is winding down and people are making their way to the door.

"So," he says, "you're divorced?"

I nod. "Yes, and you?" I mean, you never know -- never married, divorced, widowed....

"No, I'm married."

Hear that? It's the sound of the universe dropping a stink bomb.