Thursday, July 16, 2015

The Waiting...

...does anyone out there remember that song?  "The Waiting is the hardest part..." Tom Petty.  It keeps repeating in my head.

I'm waiting on that company to get back to me.  I didn't hear from them for many days, and I recently found out why.  The HR person I was talking to actually managed to screw it up for me.  She told them I wasn't interested in a position until later in the fall.  Nope! Not what I said!  She seems to have forgotten everything she said to me.  So, now she says her managers are reviewing her notes to see what to do next.  That doesn't sound at all hopeful.

My parents have traveled again, to see doctors and specialists.  We thought he'd start radiation this week, but instead there's more waiting.  More lost time.  More time for the tumor to grow.

They are waiting for news on another clinical trial.  So, other treatments are on hold until they know if that came through.  It would mean more travel and expense, just to see if it will work at all.  The doctors decided that surgery is not possible.  It's too dangerous to do.  So, he has to rely on something else giving him some relief.

Today is a bad day, Mom said earlier.  His pain is bad, so they changed his pain management routine. He's acting disoriented and drugged today.

They were driving, and he asked, "Where are the girls?"

He also asked when Son would be seeing the temple president.  If you're a Mormon, that will make sense.  What doesn't make sense is that Son hasn't been an active Mormon for a few years.

Dad has lost touch with time and place and people now.

It makes me sad to my core.  The lump in my throat is almost painful now, all the time.  I'm helpless. We're losing him, in the most painful, gut-wrenching way to see happen to a man of his stature and intellect.

I have so many questions for God, should he ever want to see me.  I don't know if he will because I don't seem to be one of his favorite creations.

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