It's never what we expect, is it?

It's been six months since Jacob and I broke up.  Despite the promises, I've not seen him in weeks.  We text every few days, but it's rare that I get a spontaneous "How are you doing?" from him.  Not unheard of, but rare.  I've given a standing invitation to join me for sushi, but I am losing confidence that he'll ever take me up on it.  Especially now - he's engaged.  I think that puts the kibosh on spending time with me.

I never did see that letter she was going to write to me, to smooth things over so we could all hang out together.  An apparent empty gesture that seems a moot point now - if he doesn't want to hang out with me on his own, why would he want us all to hang out?  Maybe I don't even want that anymore, with the way things have turned lately.  I've grown a bit weary of being reminded via Tumblr about everything I never actually was to him.  Posts like "You're the only one who has understood me…."  Really?  After all we went through?  That's a little disappointing, to have our good points forgotten like that.

That kind of posting, plus the fact that I had to hear The Big News on Tumblr like just anyone else, adds up to a degree of insensitivity that is surprising to me. I thought better of us than that. I thought we meant more, even as friends.

So, as much as I hate this phrase, I suppose all I can say is that it is what it is. What it was is apparently irrelevant.  I'm not angry or bitter, just feeling a little let down that promises aren't meaningful.  Well, they are to me.  I promised to be the secret keeper, so I keep them.  It's all still very meaningful to me, if it ever is so to him again.

And for me, the world keeps turning.  Daughter is doing spectacularly at college.  Son is trying his darnedest with the situation he's in.  His girlfriend is a challenge to his success, as she deliberately derails his schoolwork and his job.  She's a selfish and immature girl, who inflicts a lot of damage.  She's caused many of his demons to resurface, then doesn't support his struggle against them.  It's hard for a mother to watch.

The dating world has its ups and downs for me.  I've met some nice men, and some who are really messed up.  And some who aren't so nice.  Some who come on strong, then decide to ignore me.  I must be easy to ignore….

That said, it appears that love might actually have another chance in my life.  There's been someone right under my nose, for over three years now.  He's followed me and my story on Twitter and Tumblr, which has been occasionally colorful.  We've had many conversations via social media, over those years.  When the breakup with Jacob happened, he was right there, listening to me and giving me virtual hugs and someone to lean on.  His desire to "whisk [me] away in the TARDIS for adventures" thrilled my geeky little Whovian heart.  It all meant the world to me and was (and is) very touching.

So, we started chatting real-time and exchanging emails.  We have found we have love between us and a strong attraction.  We do have a couple of stumbling blocks, to be true.  First, we live in different parts of the globe.  He is in England, and I'm in Colorado.  We each are trying to make plans to visit the other, though.  Second, we do have a significant age difference.  I think.  At least, all clues point to that, from what I can see.  We haven't talked about it, but I don't think we're secretive about it, either.  I've never been shy about posting about what my kids are doing, so it's obvious I'm old enough to have kids their ages.  And we've shared pictures (nothing naughty! Gah!), too.

Neither issue is insurmountable.  Those around us might balk at them, but what's between us, is between us.  I've lived long enough and experienced so much that tells me what's important, and that's what we want to live with.

For now, I'm enjoying him and his affection for me.  And mine for him.  We'll see what's around the corner, dear Diary.  As we've seen, my story takes a lot of sudden, unexpected turns!