Thursday, August 28, 2008

Layers of my stress

At breakfast with Ranger this morning, I counted the layers of my stress. Wow, was that a bad idea. Now, it's all I'm thinking about.

Oh, and he added to it. Reluctantly, but still. His job has been going great. Promotions, etc. He expressed a concern the other day that the owner was sinking money into her other business and not this one. He was seeing important bills not being paid. Apparently, an hour after that conversation with me, he was told the store is closing. In a week. Great.

So, let's count that as Stress #1. On to Stress #2. I've mentioned that my office is now located in the VP's suite of offices. This is the Student Affairs office, where students come to ask questions, complain, and generally have meltdowns. From my corner of the world, I can't hear people coming in the door unless their drama continues into the office space. And that's okay with me. My work is not at all related to this department, and I have no clue how to help them.

The other day, the Assistant VP said something that bugged me. She came back from lunch early to find that the door to the suite was locked, and I was the only one there. Now, I didn't lock the door. The last person out for lunch locked it because no one was there. I got there a little while later, apparently, and left the door locked. I mean, I can't hear someone come in and I can't help them, anyhow.

So, anyhow, she said to me, "Now that you're in this office, you'll have to step up and come out here to help people when they come in. If you hear the door, you need to see who it is and say, 'How can I help you?' and see what you can do for them."

Uhm, step up? "How can I help you?" WTF?!?! I know nothing about what they do or the questions they answer. It's a different department. I don't work in their department and I didn't ask for my office to be put there.

One way or another, I need to address this with my boss. However, I'm thinking the best option is (as much as I hate it) to move me again. We have new offices in a new building, on the same hall as many professors I work with. It might be worth it to move again, rather than have a politically-damaging "discussion" with the Assistant VP.

Stress #3: My ex-husband is here, visiting. Got here this morning. I've had to act as his GPS on the phone for the last couple of hours, but I haven't had to see him yet. He'll be here until Sunday. I feel all my defenses up, looking for where the next ambush will happen. I cleaned the house and removed anything he likes to think should be his. There's a box in my closet now, with all these things hidden away.

Stress #4: Son is having oral surgery next week. The thing is that his first root canal of the year maxed out my dental plan and his dad's. We had $117 of coverage left. Anything beyond that comes out of my pocket and my ex's. Then, the second root canal happened. And now he needs a "crown lengthening" and all four wisdom teeth (which are impacted) removed. And another filling. I'm sooooo broke. For something like....forever.

Here's a good side note: Drama Queen was throwing a pout last night and my mother asked her what was wrong. She was upset about Son's surgery...but not for the reason you might think. "He's having surgery next week," she said. "But I don't know anyone else at school yet. He'll be gone and I won't have anyone to hang out with!" Isn't her unselfishness overwhelming?

Stress #5: I noticed son freaked out every time I went near his bathroom. And when his grandmother went near it. She saw him take something from there and hide it in his room. Now, he and I have established that his room is fair game. I can and will go looking if I feel a suspicion. The thing is that whenever I get that suspicious feeling, I always find something. Kind of like with Old BF.

So, I looked. Drama Queen is an artist, if I haven't mentioned that before. What I found were some very hardcore pornographic drawings by her, including one that was extremely disturbing in it's sexual violence and gore. Very upsetting. Very disturbing. I'm worried over these. I also found his wallet. With a condom in it. Now, the package is worn as though it's been there a long time. However, this is the wallet I bought for him in May, so that's the longest it could have been there.

I put the drawings in a locked portion of my desk. I took a Sharpie and marked a corner of the condom package. If I look later and find that mark is missing, then I know the one I found has been removed. Son has lately claimed to be "trying really hard" to start making smart choices, so we'll see how this goes.

I'm not going to confront anyone about these things until after my ex is gone (because his answer is "just cut it off"), and probably after Son's surgery. So, I have about a week to figure out what to do. I have to tread carefully. Son is rather volatile. DQ has a heavy influence on him. I really have to think this out. Obviously, nothing I've tried so far has gotten through to these kids. And what's coming from her head is really disturbing, and Son is keeping it around.

SO worried.


Lady in red said...

I don't know if this is any help and it feels like a life time ago now. When DC was a mere 13 he had a g/f for over a year. she often wore very 'grown up' revealing clothes. They spent a lot of time in his room (which he shared with his younger brother) I would make sure that they didn't get time alone.

I wrote him an email as I was worried that she would push him to have sex. I called it 'growing concerns'. I told him that I love him, I am proud of him but I have growing concerns about how quickly he is growing up. I told him that he probably thinks he will be able to stop but faced with the heat of the moment it is easy to be overcome by passion. I would prefer it if he managed to wait until he is over the legal age but if he can't he must ask his father to provide him with condoms. Not long after this he finished with that g/f and 6 months later got together with his current g/f (4.5 yrs together now). They waited until she was over the legal age (12 months younger than him).
I guess what I was doing was letting him know that I care but wasn't telling him what to do or not do, he chose the sensible path

Walker said...

The condom is a good thing if he uses them.
You can't really bust his balls for that it is a smart choice.
You don't want him knocking up DQ.
Maybe she will make a new boy friend while he is at surgery :D

The drawings well i don't know I have seem some whacky stuff called art and if it's just art what can you say other than it's not your cup of tea.

Ranger has shit luck with jobs doesn't he?
Tell him to go become a fireman so you can start a fire to be rescued every now and again ;)

Can you divorce you life?
There's probably a tax for that anyway and you can't afford it after the dental work for your son.

Fire Byrd said...

At least he's carrying a condom!!
Trite response I know, but it's what my sons did for years, and now they use them!Which is fine in the 23 yr old... but not so sure in the 17yr old.
Is there a consentual age where you are?
We do sound like our sons are on similar paths through life, maybe yours is taking lessons from mine!!

Blogget Jones said...

Lady - Thank you. That is indeed a help. You gave me a different way of approaching it with him. It's really good that I have a little time to think about all this.

Walker -- I do agree that at least Son seems to have the sense to use a condom. There is that. And yeah, Ranger's luck with jobs sucks. Ugh. And about the "art" -- I don't think it could be construed at that. I mean, I didn't want to be graphic, but we're talking about bondage scenes where a woman's lady-parts are mutilated and covered in gore. These are not "artfully" drawn, I'm afraid.

Byrd -- I think the consensual age here is 18. And I agree about the similar paths. I sure wish they'd stop and look where they are headed, though! Don't you?