Welcome to my hometown

I've seen hundreds of dogs in trucks, but this is a new one on me. However, it speaks volumes about the town where I live.

Spotted right around the corner from my office. You gotta love it.



And a closer look:

How a day unravels

It felt like a Monday. It should have been a Monday. No major catastophies, but lots of unraveling.

And the major catastrophies thing might be wrong.

First thing in the morning, I was late to work. Dang. For the second day in a row. I just couldn't manage to leave my soft, cool bed to head out into the hot, sticky world. So, I called and left a message for the boss, to let her know I'd be late. I hustle to my office and see...that she's not even there. If I hadn't left the message, she'd never have known I was late. Dang.

I spent last week creating a Web and print version of an instructional manual we need for a new system we're implementing. It made the rounds and got everyone's little nit-picky, just-gotta-have-something-to-say "suggestions." I made many changes (but not all - some were, quite simply, stupid). That was last week.

Yesterday, I get it back from my other boss. He made changes. Little things, he said, just window-dressing. Are you buying it? I didn't either. Yeah, they were little things. In each paragraph. That means I get to painstakingly copy-and-paste his "window-dressing" into each paragraph of the HTML pages online. Dang.

I get a call from the mother of that lovely little piece of work my son is finally rid of. I cannot tell you how great he's been since NOT talking to her. You can almost see him mature, the more time goes by since he's talked to her. The moodiness is almost gone! Like magic!

So, Lil Miss wants to talk to him. She wants apologize to me and to him. Her mother says the girl has to call me first. Oh goody. There's a phone call I'll be pacing the floor to get. Dang.

I ask my son if there's anything he'd like me to communicate to her. "I can tell her or her mother that you don't want to talk," I offered. "No," he said, "I should handle it myself. But I just don't give a crap anymore."

Then the thunderstorm moved in. The clouds of brooding gathered. Flashes of temper and sound and fury. And this is just the thought of talking to her. She called and apologized to me, but I told her to hold off on calling him. This storm was going to take out anything in its path. She might as well take cover. Dang.

Back on the ranch, my colleague and general partner-in-crime (aka co-researcher) comes to my office. She sits in my big comfy chair and says, "Are you ready for this?" Oh no. Lemme say "Dang" before it even gets started.

We are planning a major research project. We've spent months on it. We're presenting the findings this fall. People are waiting. "Are you ready for this," she asks and my heart stops. What happened?

There's a big gaping hole in the middle of our project. What's worse is that it's one that has always been there. We simply didn't notice. With a little less self-control, I'd have been in the fetal position, sucking my thumb the rest of the day.

But I had to make my way home, in the 100+ degree heat. "But it's dry heat," they say. WTF does that mean?!?! It's still hot!

I walk into the air-conditioned house, take a deep breath, and let out the day for a bit. Kisses from my daughter. The storm front seems contained to his room for the time being. I pick up the mail from the front table.

Dang.

Jury duty.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame!

But DANG, it's HOT!!! We're wrapping up baseball season here. About another week to go. No break from the 100+ degree weather in sight!

Hot, sweaty, dirty, nasty. And not the good kind. This kind has mosquitoes. So, you douse yourself in OFF and really give the dirt something to stick to!

But it's fun watching my son play. He just has such a great time at it. He's grinning and chatting with the umps. You'd never even guess that his coach is an idiot.

Yeah, I know. Little League (which is odd to say when some of the kids are 6 feet tall or more!) is luck of the draw. All volunteers, so if your umpire was any good, he'd be umping the high school games. And your coach is only as good as the guy who wants his own kid to have first pick of the positions.

My evidence:

As a third base coach, he sends kids to steal home while the catcher has the ball. Invariably, this happens when we most need the runs.

He leaves a pitcher in well past the kid's tolerance for exhaustion, until we're down by 14 runs or more. Hopeless situation, created by our dear coach.

Punishing some kids for missing practice or a game (for a legit reason). Is it coincidence that the only kids punished are the white players? And the only ones who don't play games on Sunday (for religious reasons)? I think not.

My son is an excellent first baseman. That's not just Mommy talk. He really is. At 6'2", he has a monster stretch and the ball rarely gets past him. This coach "punishes" him by either benching him or putting him in left field. For what? Well, here's an example:

Me: "Coach? Why is he on the bench?"
Coach: "He missed practice on Monday."
Me: Puzzled. "Coach? We had a game on Monday. He pitched in it."
Coach: Blank stare.

See, my son is white. This guy and all but two of the other boys aren't white. The three white kids get benched. The others never do, no matter what happens.

He also gets punished because we consider Sunday to be the sabbath and we don't believe in playing ball (or shopping, going out to eat, etc.) on Sundays. We're in the Bible Belt. This isn't an uncommon school of thought here. My son isn't the only kid who doesn't play on Sundays.

Here's what happened with that:
Me: "Coach, I understand there's a game on Sunday, but my son won't make it."
Coach: "Okay, why?"
Me: "We don't play on Saturdays because in our religion, Sunday is the sabbath and we don't do those things on the sabbath."
Coach: "Okay."
Coach walks away, directly to my son. He asks my child why he's not playing on Sunday. My son echoes what I said. This man says to him, "You should remember that we serve a forgiving God."

My son stared down at the little man (my son is a good foot taller than him) and said, "We just don't do that."

Grrrr. What that man did is wrong on so many levels that I don't even know where to start. But I'm proud of my son.

Religion aside, since we all have varying beliefs, that was a direct attempt to undermine me as a parent. I'm not his biggest fan.

We have at least two more games, then we're finished with Little League forever. I can make it. Ballpark nachos with extra jalapenos, and I'll sit down and shut up.

Round 2

I heard from the Suicide Advocate again. I am completely flabberghasted that anyone could be so astonishingly self-absorbed as to try to justify the advocacy of suicide. Again, I am not talking about right-to-die issues for the terminally ill. We're talking about people in emotional distress, which, although intense, is a temporary state. There are other solutions.

This person's message was sent to me from a "no reply-comment" box, so I'll post my response here. (Telling, isn't it, that they don't even stand behind a legitmate email address? Or any name other than "anonymous"?) Again, I refuse to publish their comment because of the link it provides to such an irresponsible and reprehensible site.

Response to the Suicide Advocate:
You said that you chose "the nicest" and "most thought provoking" words to send me. That's demented. There is nothing nice in your words. Furthermore, they are without ANY logical or meaningful support, and are meant to "provoke" the most self-absorbed and damaging thoughts imaginable.

You want to compare telling someone to stay ALIVE to telling them who to date or where to work? You actually think those things are equal? We're talking about LIFE here! This is not a decision that can be changed, like a date or a job, but someone's tragic DEATH! To compare those things is not only delusional, but completely irresponsible.

Furthermore, insisting on destroying the lives of others is beyond selfish. Suicide is NOT the answer to emotional struggles. You destroy not one life, but many lives. And they have to try to live with the irreparable damage you've caused.

Perhaps they should just ALL kill themselves, according to your (derailed) train of thought.

The support you offer for your argument completely defeats itself. You say no one should make you live with pain and it's not even their business -- yet you say you have the right to inflict great pain on those who love you. So, it's okay for YOU to make them live with pain? It's YOUR business to force that damage on someone else? You advocate a double-standard, and thereby defeat yourself. Take your own advice, anonymous, and "think about it."

Only the most selfish person would encourage others to take their own life and say it's all right to force others to live with the consequences. Your entire blog is dripping with selfishness, something I detest with absolute venom because of the lives I've seen it destroy.

Yet, you try to stick that label on me. How dare you. You should be ashamed for the lives you want to waste and the pain you wish others to endure. Your "quick fix" of suicide actually fixes nothing, but creates deeper scars on others. I am disgusted with your advocacy of self-absorption, self-serving wallowing, and astonishing disregard for others. But it goes beyond disregard. You advocate the destruction of others, from the suicide victim to the victims they leave behind. Their blood, their pain is on your hands.

And you have insulted me deeply, and repeatedly. I have no respect for you or your poorly-formed "opinions." DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN. As I said before, I have a life to live.

If I was any worse, I'd steal from crippled children (or "WTF?!")

I gave my first rejection to a comment yesterday. It wasn't that it was profane or insulting, but the site to which it linked was.

The person sending the comment was disagreeing with something I said. That's fine. I don't mind that. However, on going to that person's blog, I found something I thought to be harmful to anyone going there. To me, it was profane in its cavalier attitude towards life and the astounding selfishness of the posts. To me, it was dangerous to anyone teetering on the edge of taking their own life. In good conscience, I cannot provide a link to that from my own blog.

The irony was that this person said, in their blog, that *I* was the selfish one. In fact, they said I ranked just above someone who steals from a charity. (how's that for a crapload of judgementality?) And why? Because I think it's wrong to take your own life.

Yeah, it left me scratching my head, too.

Kep in mind that I'm not talking about "Right to Die" issues, with terminal illness and such. I'm talking about people in emotional distress. Still in that context, this person says it's no one else's business if you want to kill yourself. Not even those who love you. And loving someone enough to say you don't want them to take their own life is selfish. Wanting someone to live is selfish.

I keep turning that over in my head and it doesn't make sense, no matter how you look at it. It would make sense if that person was terminally ill, in insurmountable physical pain and dying. That's a different issue. We are talking about someone who sees their troubles to be so huge that they want to die. Yes, they are in pain. But not insurmountable pain. This too shall pass, even if it's hard to see it just then.

I stick by my words: Killing yourself is ultimately selfish. I have to think that a person who does such a thing is not in their right mind. The depths of despair can do that to people. But there's always a solution. It might be hard, but there's a solution.

And, most of all, it isn't right to inflict that kind of hurt on the people who love you. That's the bottom line. You might be hurting emotionally, but there's always another way out. If you give them that kind of wound, by taking your own life, there's no resolution for that. You've given them profound pain that will never heal. And they will ALWAYS be damaged by the knowledge that they weren't worth living for.

It's selfish and unfair to do that to people who love you. That's all they did -- love you. It not fair to give them a hurt that can't heal, that can't be taken back. They didn't ask to be damaged by you. They loved you.

I will not publish a link to anything that tells people in despair that they are doomed and that they are correct to ruin the lives and hearts of others. Again, who is the selfish one?

He just didn't get it....

So, I'm sitting at my son's ball game last night and...

*****BREAK FOR A MOMMY BRAG MOMENT***** My kid is a GREAT pitcher, first baseman, and hitter. Ha! No runs scored while he pitched. No ball got past first while he played it. And he hit a home run. Woo hoo!! *****MOMMY BRAG MOMENT OVER*****

...the president of the league (who is otherwise a real jerkwad, but that's another story) was also watching the game. He's all wrapped up in this really close battle going on and his cell phone rings. I can't hear what he's saying (and really couldn't care less if I tried), but he gets off the phone and says (loudly) to us, "Can you believe that? She called just to tell me she got a $78 top for $14."

My friend asked him where the sale was and made a grab for her purse. He shrugged and we were oh so disappointed.

He came over to us to elaborate. "Actually, she said, 'I just got the CUTEST top. It's regularly $78, but guess how much I got it for?' I said, '$130 because now we need pants, shoes, and a bag to match.'"

Okay, so maybe he gets it more than I thought....

::wink::

Why can't we be immortal?

It's just not fair. I grew up knowing that if my dad was nearby, I was safe. We were all safe. He'd make sure of it.

Even when the danger took the form of a stray skunk in the yard, he was out there in the wee hours trying to run it out of the yard. He didn't even get sprayed! (disclaimer: in hindsight, we weren't sure it wasn' somebody's pet, but he didn't know it then!)

He knew the answers to everything. Smart, smart man, who always knew the right thing to do. He taught me all sorts of things, like how to shoot, fish, do multiplication, and act like a lady in public (although we could belch like champs in private). He teaches my kids now.

My parents are getting old. It's particularly difficult to watch it happen to my dad. Diabetes is eating his muscles and his brain. He's always been so large and strong, but his legs are now thin. His thought process slow and flawed. He's often cranky.

He never complains when he feels bad. This week, he complained. The pain kept him from walking. He's been in the hospital for three nights. They found the problem and fixed it, although it required major surgery. Seeing him in that bed, hooked up to all sorts of things, drugged up on pain medication....that was hard. He was so vulnerable. Helpless. He was talking nonsense and we had to intervene to keep him from hurting himself inadvertently.

It all scares me. That's not the Dad I've known. Sometimes, I've been hard on him for traveling and working so much when we were kids. I shouldn't have been that way. He was working for us, not because he liked being away. He regrets, and that makes me sad for him.

My parents are getting old. I dread the day when they are gone. I dread what's happening to them, for their sake. And that's why I ask....can't they be immortal? Can't they always be the people in the pictures in my photo album? Laughing and playing with their children, forever young and healthy.

Dad settling into his bed at home as I write this. My sister is coming to help during his recovery, and a little beyond. I wonder what she'll think?

My parents are getting old. They are still the best grandparents, and parents, any kid of any age could ask for. I just want them to be happy. I want them to know only the love of their family. It's funny -- I want to protect them as they've always protected me.

Blogget vs SWDWIAP

You've heard me complain about the weather in my office. It's either sweltering hot or a meat locker in there. I work for a major university, but our offices are in a satellite space, rented from the biggest money-grubbing cheapskates in the region, I swear.

The university decided that it's time to bring the wayward children back into the fold. After decades of bouncing us from space to space, we are getting our own building. A brand-spankin'-new building to call our very own. Our offices will even be a bit bigger. This picture is the artist's rendition of the new place.

All good things come with consequences, though. A new building means new decor. We've seen the furniture, wallcovering, and flooring samples. Now, we must deal with The Interior Decorator, or She Who Decides What Is Asthetically Pleasing. (SWDWIAP)

Apparently, George Strait isn't asthetically pleasing. His posters have been deep sixed by SWDWIAP. There was a vague mention of her being concerned about the decor in some offices not being what they want to public to see, so SWDWIAP will select art for some offices.

The art is immoveable. You can't take it down. I'm thinking, hey, no one said I can't cover it up....

I think I might be on the "let us decorate for you" list. I'm sure my office "decor" about gave her a coronary. At first glance, SWDWIAP probably smiled, seeing what I call my comfy corner. See? Comfy!



I love my comfy chair. I must have my comfy chair. I can even start a petition. Lots of people come to see my chair and feel it's healing powers. They are actually more interested in having the chair there than having me there.

Anyhow, SWDWIAP must have turned a little more and gasped in horror. There, in an its unbridled un-aesthetically pleasing hideosity is my collection wall. Of Star Wars beanies. With my Darth Vader mosaic print.

Hey! It's framed!

But it is only part of the Star Wars-ness that is my office. There's the top of the file cabinet with Yoda, Spud Trooper, and Darth Tater. There's the top of the hutch with the remaining beanies. There's the little Galactic Heroes sets that I think are so adorable. SWDWIAP's worst nightmare.

And I have art! I have the painting by the artist who is engaged to the Muse Killer. (sidebar: he noted the other night, on his own, that he hasn't produced any art since knowing her.)

I wonder if that'll fit over whatever mass-produced art - excuse me...I mean "art" - they put in our offices?

"You don't know the POWER...."

Twue Wuv

A fourteen-year-old does not know the nature of true love. I believe that and I'm sticking to it.

Especially not a fourteen-year-old son of mine who has been dragged around by the nose by a twelve-year-old (going on twenty) chippy for the last few months. Well, maybe not by the nose, but by something much more hormonal.

She's a well-developed twelve-year-old, but not just in the obvious way. She's highly manipulative and sexually-oriented. And my poor guy wasn't at all equipped to handle what she dished out. Fell for it and fell hard.

She played him for the status. An older, tall, cute boyfriend plays well on the popularity circuit. And if there's anything she wants, it's status among her friends. He catches a lot of hell for having a girfriend in a younger grade. She's so sympathetic: "If you don't like the jokes, then you'll just have to break up with me." Touching.

He was shocked to see her blog page, screaming such slogans as "I shake my Jello so the boys say Hello" and "I've got style, I've got class, I'm the white girl with the ghetto ass." Yeah, I see the style and class part, chickadee. My personal favorite was the animated .gif of cherries that said "Pop me." Her mother was really fond of that one, too, right before deleting the page.

I can only imagine what went through his mind when he saw the one and only blogring her site was in: "Do you want a hot girlfriend? Cum here!" There's devotion for you. She told him she didn't know what that meant. He bought it, but no one else did.

So, another guy enters the picture. She flirts with lots of them in front of him, but this one sticks around. He gets mad about it, so she tells my son that she's so confused and upset that she tried to cut her wrists. He gets very concerned and she promises to never try it again.

Her mother heard about it and checked her out. Not a mark on the child. At twelve, she's using a suicide ploy to keep a guy from getting mad at her. Something's rotten.

She pushes him into a more physical relationship. He's fourteen -- it didn't take much pushing. I catch them making out at a pizza place. He is in HUGE trouble, on the spot, and is very repentent. She's laughing about it. At home, she's confronted and says -- get this -- that *I* made it all up because I hate her.

Her mother new better and said, "His mom has better things to do in her life than follow you to a pizza place and make up stories. AND if she hates you, it's your own fault. No one could see that Web site and want you around their son."

And so it is. After the school year, they won't be in contact. He's furious with me because I don't want him to "be with the love of [his] life!" Oh, the drama! I told him to get a grip. He's been on this earth fourteen years. He has no idea what "life" really is. More importantly, I would hope the love of your life would respect your love for her and "forsake all others," and not lie and deceive.

That's not love. And that's not life. But he isn't equipped to understand that yet. It's up to me to help him find some perspective on the situation. He's still at an age where mothers can step in and help. Soon, he will be beyond that. He needs to be ready to battle for himself. Then, all I can do is hope and pray.

Makes me mad...and sad

I know an artist. He's brilliant and very "up and coming." I've been to a couple of his shows here. He's had others in Chicago and Denver. I have one of his paintings in my office and love it. He's abso-effing-lutely brilliant.

Then, he met a girl.

For awhile, they said they didn't even like each other that much, but the sex was just too great. They were all over each other, all the time, to the point of ooging out their friends.

Still, to hear him talk she was an idiot. He laughed at the stupid things she'd say and the pouts she'd throw. He laughed at how she dressed like every other college girl around, down to the makeup and hair. She's a clone, he'd say. A million more out there like her.

She talked about other men hitting on her, brought men back to his apartment to party with them, refused to participate in conversations in which someone disagreed with her. But he liked having a sure thing around, if you know what I mean.

Then, she became jealous of the time he spent doing other things. Like his art.

He started to care that she was mad about it. He started to listen to her stupid things. He stopped thinking for himself. He lost himself in what she wanted him to be. He became a clone, too, on the inside.

This is something that forever irritates me about some people who date creative types. For someone who is truly creative, whether it be music, art, writing or whatever, they are at the mercy of their talent. When inspiration hits, it's an overwhelming presence. You follow that muse or the muse leaves you.

To be involved with this person means sharing their attention with that muse, tht lightning bolt of inspiration. You must understand that they need to follow it. It's ingrained in them. It's who they are. It's not something to be jealous of. It's who they are.

It's part of that person you're in love with. Don't change it or you take away their core.

They've been together over a year now. I miss seeing his door open and him working away at his latest art on the living room floor. I haven't seen any new creations from him...in over a year.

They just announced their engagement. I'm mad and sad at the same time. Mad that he let himself, his talent, down. Sad that she chased that muse away. Mad that he didn't fight for it. Sad that he might not see that happiness again. I can't imagine him doing anything else.

Along my travels

I took a trip recently with my child's class. The kids rode busses and the parents drove along behind. I learned a few things along the way.

Before getting into all that, I must say that the trip generally worked like an well-oiled machine. With about 100 kids and 40 adults, that saying something. The only time it didn't go smoothly was when someone was being stupid. So, props to the school for that.

However, some people ARE stupid. Okay, no news flash there. As you know, that's a favorite soapbox of mine. I don't really know why I'm still amazed by this. This time, though, I was a little disheartened to realize that most of the stupid people on the trip were women. We had a grand total of two stupid men on the trip, and one was the school principal.

I saw the first bit of stupid on the highway. When you're traveling with two greyhound busses, do not get in between them. It messes up their stopping distance because they have to compensate for your stopping distance, too. This rule is especially true when Bus #2 looks like it's been in a serious accident before. Do you really want to be between him and another BIG bus? Just stupid.

You had to really pay attention to the bus drivers or you'd be left behind. Speed limits figured into the equation about as much as red lights did. They'd either leave you in the dust of the open highway or lose you when they ran that almost-red light.

I laughed my ass off when they got pulled over. They'd left us all behind again, but we caught them when those flashing red and blue lights came into view. Laughed. My. Ass. Off. They didn't push the speed limit anymore.

One dad didn't get that being assigned a group in the dorm at night meant you were the leader of that group. After the trouble of the water fight (with the water intended to get us through desert heat the next day) and his boys peeking in the girls' windows (these are 10-year-olds) at 11:30 at night, he finally realized (in his own words), "They apparently want us to be some sort of [finger quotes] role model here."

And if you ever see that commercial about how great a place Alamogordo, NM, is to take the family, don't buy the bit about the kiddie mini-train. The "conductor" is a loon. Kids were watching the train go around as we ate lunch. He stopped the train, full of little passengers, and berated them for not being 20 feet away from the track and if they didn't move, he was calling the cops on them. On 10-year-olds. Watching the train. Sitting in the grass. Then, he completed the route at break-neck speed. What a stable man, driving kids around the park, eh?

I officially can't stand my child's teacher. The kids had two activities that required hikes in the desert heat. They were supplied with plenty of water, but one boy didn't drink it. Upon arrival at the second hike site, he began vomiting and complaining of a headache. Hmmm...can anyone say heat stroke? One lady got him some water and sat him at a table in the shade. He put his head down while she went to get wet towels to put on him.

In the meantime, here comes this teacher. She wants to take away his water because he doesn't have the lid! AND she wants to send him out on the second hike! The child is listless, with his head on the table, obviously in distress. A parent intervenes: "No, he's sick."
"Aw, he's fine. Just get up and go."
"No, really! He might have heat stroke."
Teacher makes a snotty, how-stupid-are-you face. "I'm sure it's nothing like that."
"He's vomiting."
That stopped her. "Oh yeah? Well, how much water have you had?"
He confesses the small amount. She says, "That's ALL?!" and began berating him for not drinking more water.

Just can't stand that woman. He did not go out on the trail.

She got mad at me later for telling my child and her friend to come away from the edge of a large drop. She scolded a few for the same thing a few minutes later, but had a big surprise.

See, Mr. Principal made sure the kids knew the rules of the hike. Stay on the path. Don't climb things. Stay with your group. When nasty teacher saw those other kids at the edge, she assumed they were looking down it. Wrong, they were hiking UP it. And who was their leader? The bright one leading them (remember, they had to stay with their group) off the path and up a cliff they shouldn't climb? The principal. Stupid.

I also learned that I'm competitive to a nearly unhealthy level. When we departed the school, I looked at the situation and maneuvered myself to a position that assured I would be first behind the busses. I did that the entire trip. As long as I did that, I wasn't left behind at a light.

We had to make a u-turn once and a soccer mom in an SUV cut me off to get ahead of me. Oh, it's a mistake to piss me off like that. I spent the rest of the trip not caring who was ahead of me, as long as it wasn't her. I thoroughly enjoyed the opportunities I had to cut her off throughout the trip.

One last thing I have to share. While passing through one of the many little towns along the way, I saw something that made me double-take. You often see vendors along the streets of these towns, selling rugs, fruit, rocking chairs, velvet paintings, etc. We passed one of these stands...selling acchordians. Wow.

What do Canadian bands have against me?

I just have to wonder. I have three favorite bands: Nickelback, Three Days Grace, and Theory of a Deadman. They all happen to be Canadian.

First, Nickelback puts Lubbock on their tour -- on a Monday night. I don't think I've explained this before, but weeknights are a nightmare for me. Sunday-Thursday is work night, school night, homework night, and/or baseball night. I'm a single mom, so it keeps me pretty booked. Not much else happens at my house on those days.

Nickelback I managed because I was supposed to be gone from home anyhow. Another weeknight concert would be really hard to manage.

Well, someone clued me in that Three Days Grace (aka "3DG") is coming to Lubbock. Oh joy!!!! When? I look it up.

Monday. THIS Monday, May 8th.

Triple whammy: school, work, AND baseball night. What really sucks is that I know a cop working the concert. It could not only have been my son's first concert, but we would have gone backstage. Ouch.

Out of curiosity, or an innate desire to torture myself, I checked Theory of a Deadman's tour dates. Yep, they are coming here! Oh joy, again!

Sunday. THIS Sunday, May 7th.

They stuck it to me two days in a row. Can you believe it? I'm wounded.

By the way, here's 3DG's banner for their new song. Click on it and turn up your speakers!



See how much I love ya, guys? Even after you stuck it to me so bad. :::sniff:::

Advice I gave my son today

Relationships should bring out the best in you. By relationships, I mean all kinds, be it friends or boyfriends/girlfriends.

Signs they are bad for you (or you're bad for them):

• You feel bad when you finish talking to them.
• You can't get your work, homework, or studying done (or done right).
• Your grades or work performance suffer since being close to them.
• You find yourself doing things you used to consider wrong.
• You make excuses for their bad behavior.
• You keep things you all say or do a secret (because you're afraid of getting in trouble or being embarrassed).
• You're in trouble more often since being close to them.
• You compromise or sacrifice the dreams or goals you had before knowing them.
• You compromise your standards and values since being close to them.
• You treat others around you poorly since knowing them.

The list could go on, but you get the idea. Being close to someone means discovering who you are and what you can be together, not losing yourself for what they want.

Look around. If you're in one of these relationships, grow a backbone and stand up for who you are, what you want, what you believe, and what's important to you. You are too valuable to lose.

Unsexy man? I think not!

So, some idiot columnist on ThePhoenix.com made a list of the Unsexiest Men Alive.  Actually, it was two idiots.  Two MEN idiots.  Begs the question, what do they know about judging sexy men?

Never heard of ThePhoenix.com?  I can't imagine why not, being the entertainment experts that they are (not).  They even have a column exclusively about Moonsigns.  Wow.  (No wonder they thought it was a good idea for two men to write a list of unsexy men.)

Anyhow, #6 was dearly beloved Chad Kroeger. Oh, they did not.

How anyone (female) can hear that voice and watch him in all his rock-starness (see right) and not get tingly in the toes, I just don't know....  For pity sake, just LOOK at him!

I think they're just jealous. Hmph.

The depth of their idiocy went further, when they said he was listed for being in Nickelback, which they called the worst band ever. Oh really? Hey fellas, here's a photo (below) of Nickelback winning Group of the Year (and Album of the Year) at the 2006 Juno Awards (the Canadian Grammies).

Take that, ThePhoenix.com.  Must be deaf and blind.  Besides being idiots, that is.

So, rock on, Chad.  I got your back...and anything else you'd like me to get. Haha!  

It's really not that hard...really!

You've heard me say it before. Why can't people just do what they're supposed to do? Today, I'm left wondering, whatever happened to integrity?

You might remember a post in which I talked about a woman at work ("G") who refused to do her work properly, especially if I was the one asking her to do it. She'd report it complete and correct, but it wasn't. Even the corrections weren't correct. We went in circles for weeks! Why? Because the boss insisted that those responsible for the mistakes should fix them, and learn from them. It would have been easier for me to fix it, but she wouldn't have learned from it. (Or had the chance to learn from it. I'm not convinced the lesson stuck.)

So, we've been working on this huge project, with me taking the leadership role (again) with the group. "F" did well with it, but seemed almost too fast sometimes. We tested the system today and found two significant problems, totally of his doing. These are things he should have done properly in the first place, but he took the lazy way out and did a half-assed job.

Did he own up to it? Did he say, "Sorry, my bad. I'll get right on that"? Certianly not, or you wouldn't be hearing about it. Instead, I got:
"Uhm, I dont' think it's fair that I should have to correct that myself. That's going to be a real pain in the a--."

Mind you, I'm not a confrontational person, but I'd had it. This guy is in my office, bugging me, about six times each morning about what he doesn't like or what's "not his job." This was the last straw for today, and it came at about 9 AM. My response was a curt: "It's a pain in the a-- of your own making. Yes, it's fair."

I've spent the day with him whispering behind my back about that. Not a shred of taking responsibility for his mistake. Just complaints about how "it's not fair" that he have to fix it.

Reminds me of a particular Scotsman in California.

The Cliff's Notes version: Do not buy ANYTHING from Clansman Knitwear, at www.scottishclansman.com. They have no interest in getting your order to you.

The long version: I ordered two shirts in February. A month later, I hadn't heard anything, so I emailed. And emailed. After several days, I received a call from a lovely woman who explained the mixup at the warehouse and said she was sending me an extra shirt for free. Nice! I should have had them in three days.

TWO shirts were mailed to me. A WEEK later. That's mailed, not received. And guess what? They were the wrong ones.

So, I'm called and emailing again. Days later, I get a call from the owner, Ralph. Thick Scottish brogue. I have to admit falling for the charm in that! I believed that he was making it right for me, although I had to tell him what my original order was.

Again, days passed into weeks. Nothing. I spoke with Ralph one more time. He even told me he'd send a SASE for the wrong shirts, if I'd please send them back. Guess what? You got it -- NOTHING.

This time, though, my emails and calls went unanswered. I finally contacted their local BBB, and found they had a history of such complaints. I also found that I could file a complaint with the FTC, who would investigate them for consumer rights violations and take legal action. They also recommended that I forward my information to the state Attorney General.

So, I wrote Ralph one more time, to let him know the Attorney General was about to learn his name. THAT got a response. However, Ralph blamed his staff for letting me down. He never took responsibility for dropping the proverbial ball himself. I mean, he spoke with me twice and knew how upset I was. He knew I was looking into the BBB and disputing the charge with my bank. But he didn't take ownership of the problem and see it through himself. He passed it off to someone else (allegedly) and they dropped it (in his story).

It boils down to integrity. Will you own up to it and take responsibility? Will you learn from solving the problem? Or will you pass it off as someone else's problem and make your escape?

Listen, we all make mistakes. It's what we do about them that shows the stuff we're made of.

Survey says....!

Sometimes, when your life seems it's darkest, a little trash TV is just the salve you need.

I was watching Family Feud last night. Man oh man, did Richard Karn have his hands full! On one side was a family dressed in pseudo-matching gold shirts/blouses (except for one fella who opted for a flashy gold satin shirt...er...blouse...uhm, yeah). On the other side was a family who thought wearing hillbilly teeth on national, syndicated TV was a capital idea.

The gold shirt people handled most of the play time, but the hillybilly teeth kept stealing the points. By the end of it, I laughed my head off and felt a tad better for it. Sometimes, it's just unbelievable how stupid people can make themselves look to an entire nation.

Richard: "Name something with the word 'sponge' in its name or title."
"Spongebob!" Good answer! Good answer! "Survey says...." ::ding::
"Sponge bath!" Good answer! Good answer! "Survey says...." ::ding::
"Sponge cake!" Good answer! Good answer! "Survey says...." ::ding::
"Sponge nose!" Good answer! Good answer!

... Richard looks astonished....

"Survey says...." ::RRRR:: Strike one!
"Sponge cleaner!" Good answer! Good answer!

... Richard looks a little baffled....

"Survey says...." ::RRRR:: Strike two!

Richard to Satin Shirt: "Okay, you have two strikes. Your opponents are set to steal if you miss this answer. What'll it be?"

Satin Shirt: "Well, Richard, if I-uz in trouble with the law, I'd want my record..." Get ready for it. "...esponged."

Richard Karn had the best "WTF?" face I've ever seen, as the gold shirt family hollered "Good answer! Good answer!"

Hillbilly teeth stole the points and won the round. Shock and awe.

I saw the second best "WTF?" face when Satin Shirt was in the same one-more-strike-and-you-lose position and was asked to name a country that people admire. Canada is on the board. France, Italy, England.

And Satin Shirt says, (I'm seriously not making this up) "Europe!"

For a moment, I wondered how this man made the team. Then I heard to enthusiastic chorus of "Good answer!" and knew all I needed to.

Not that the Hillbilly Teeth family was much better, mind you. In the bonus round, they made 72 points (you need 200). Highlight:
"Name something you see at the side of the road."
"Carnage."

And the man was emphatic about it. Evidently, the survey people haven't been to his neighborhood.

Okay, so I know I shouldn't laugh at stupid people. They can't help it. But I needed the laugh and they were on national TV. Better than chicken soup.

---- Update: No kidding, I heard this one the other day: "Name something people stick pins in." Answer: "Their eyes." Wow.

HOT!!!

It's hot. Not outside. Inside.

I know, I can hear y'all now: "But you live in TEXAS, Blogget! What do you expect?"

Some people are surprised to learn that we get snow here. Well, most years. It seems the only consistent weather pattern we have around here anymore is wind. Anyhow, it's not all sun and sweltering here. We actually have winter.

But this is in my office! 9:30 AM and it's 80 degrees in here! For the love of all that's holy and comfortable, why can't they manage to fix an air conditioner? The summers have always been unbearable in this building, on the upper floor (there's only two!). I think the A/C man's truck has a permanent parking spot around back.

Wouldn't you LOVE to have a job where you can accomplish nothing good, day in and day out, and still be paid? Still have a job?

So, we all invest in fans. That means we now have wind inside, too.

The drone of the fans can lull you into dreamland in no time. So...::yawn::...I'll talk to y'all later....zzzzzzzzzzz

His best friend

Honest, that's what he called me. He said I was the best friend he had, so he had to make sure things were worked out with me. What do you make of that?

As expected, he called back tonight. I'll spare you the color commentary and jump right into the Cliff's Notes version.

I explained myself a little more calmly. He's asking the impossible - for me to accept that he should take our children on a trip with his daughter (from the second marriage), his new girlfriend, and her son. For pity sake, they've been going out a very short time and they want to have this Big Happy Family trip with all the kids? How fair is that to the kids if this "just dating" thing doesn't work out? That's not even mentioning the appropriateness question.

Remove the girlfriend from the picture. I also don't believe he can handle the kids properly. Mr. Teenage Attitude can really push the limits. And he (my ex) is very insensitive to our daughter's viewpoint of everything. He's quickly forgotten the pain he inflicted when he sprung a new (and unpleasant) stepmom on them, quickly followed by a new baby. Those things don't go away so fast. And my daughter is particularly sensitive and that won't change. It's who she is.

The traveling thing is out for now. He does, however, want to spend more time with the kids. "I have to get your trust back," he said. Baby steps, because I'm hard to convince. I don't take chances with them.

For what it's worth, the new girlfriend had already suggested that he needed to spend more time with our daughter, doing things that interest her. So, she's seen the inequity, too. That must make it pretty hard for him to argue with me.

For the record, he still hasn't won an argument with me.

The best part of being a divorced mom....

...really has to be dealing with your ex-husband/kids' father. No, really. It's delightful.

(Is the sarcasm dripping from your screen yet?)

He wasn't this way when we dated. Honestly. He was attentive and loving and caring and romantic. He adored me and showed it. A few years later, he made a career change. I won't name the business, but it's one where you're always "on" and have to really promote yourself. I didn't want him to become that. He promised; his family would always be #1.

He was wrong.

It didn't take long for him to expect everything to revolve around him. He made some astonishingly selfish choices and things degraded from there. I could no longer trust him in any way. Now, he's a completely self-centered asshole. It's hard to watch your kids have to learn that for themselves about their own dad, while he lets them down repeatedly. I hate that heartache for them.

He's just past his second divorce now, from a marriage that was a surprise to everyone, with a child that was a surprise to everyone. My daughter didn't take the surprise well. This little creature was taking what little attention she got from her dad. She's understandably resentful. As is my son, who was asked his opinion of the woman only to be told it didn't really matter because Dad had married her over the weekend. It was a bad scene, beginning to end.

He has a new girlfriend, who has a son. My kids like her and she seems nice enough. The problem I have isn't with her, really, but how my ex is handling this. My kids stand by and watch him wrestle and play with her son just like he used to with them. You can guess how that bugs them.

My daughter already has issues about "How much does Daddy love me?" because he doesn't get jazzed about her activities like he does my son's. It's sports vs dance, so guess which one gets Dad's attention and applause? I know, I know -- it shouldn't be either/or, but it is with him. The man just doesn't see the lopsided treatment he gives, no matter what's said.

This morning, Wonder Dad called me. He wanted to know if he and his girlfriend could take the kids out of town, to a ball game in Dallas.

Wow, was that the wrong button to push.

I went ballistic. I let him have it, with both everything-I-can't-stand-about-you barrels. First, there's the issue of traveling with someone he's just dating. I mean, it's not like they are even engaged or have been going out for long. And they want to pack up her kids and mine and go stay in a hotel together. Oh, lovely moral example, Dad.

Even if she wasn't in the picture, I wouldn't agree to this. Just look at what he's suggesting -- a activity (ball game) that only he and my son are interested in. As is usual in such situations with him, he has my daughter there to babysit his little daughter. He's taking care of his own wants and needs, disregarding the little girls who don't fit the picture. It just works out nicely for him that one is able to babysit the other. Lovely, lovely.

You read what my daughter is going through. She just can't take a slight from her Dad right now. And I really don't know how he'd handle the crap my son is dishing out lately. He tends to say things like, "If you think you can whip me, then we'll go outside right now." Great parenting technique. That's what I want -- a crying, heartbroken girl and a boy worried about physical punishment from his dad, all 300 miles away.

I hate getting mad like that. I was relentless. He tried at one point to say, "Listen, according to the divorce decree, I can...."

I cut him off and said, in my best I'll-cut-your-balls-off-and-feed-them-to-you voice, "You want to push that decree? Try it. I can push back. Things will get really ugly and you will not like how it turns out." Don't threaten the mama lion, you pill-poppin', self-centered, nutjob.

The thing is that money speaks with this guy, more than anything else. When the decree was written, he LIED to the court to get his child support set lower. I've never pushed that, but I certainly will if I have to.

"Don't threaten me," he responded. Ha. Watch me.

It's a mean, mean world

Life isn't so easy for my easy child.

My mother picked her up from school yesterday. She has a way of disarming kids, so that they eventually talk about things they don't want to talk about. I think it has something to do with ice cream.

At that same moment, I was talking to one of my daughter's teachers. We discussed some trends we've seen with her behavior and possible solutions. When I got off the phone, my mother called and told me about the conversation she had with my daughter.

My heart is broken. Why does the world have to be so mean for kids?

My child is very much like me as a child. She is imaginative and often "in her own world." We just have odd thoughts richoceting around in our heads and it's distracting! She is tall for her age and looks like your classic porcelain doll, with ivory skin and a mass of jet black curls. All of this makes her very unique and memorable. Unfortunately, it also makes her a target.

She has a very open, loving, trusting personality. She doesn't understand why anyone would not want to be her friend. I remember once when she was little, she climbed into the ball pit at Chuckee Cheese's. She said the the little girl in there, "Do you want to be my friend and play with me?" The girl said, "No." My daughter turned towards me and yelled from the ball pit, "SHE SAID NO!! SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE MY FRIEND!!" She was completely flabberghasted and wanted to share her shock.

Now, she just cries.

Apparently, she is sitting at the back of the room in most of her classes, with girls she once considered friends. They discovered that she is easily distracted by noise. It completely disrupts her brain. So, they make noise. Incessantly.

"I'm the kid everyone likes to play tricks on," she said. "And they laugh and think it's funny. Not many people like me."

That made my mother cry. It made the teacher cry, too, when I asked for her help. I cried, remembering that pain all too well. A classroom of kids laughing at the jokes being made at my expense. Name calling. Sneers. The delighted looks as they broke your heart. What was fun about that? What was it about me that they felt I deserved that? I have never understood. Words really can hurt as much as sticks and stones.

And my child is living it, too. I enlisted the teacher's help, in such a way as my daughter's name won't be known as the "victim." She felt so bad for her. She's just been telling me what a spectacular kid she is, then we learn about this private hell she's been enduring.

You just want to hold them and protect them all of their lives. I hate that I can't. The school does anti-bully activities and such, but something just doesn't get through.

If you have kids or even just know kids, make sure they know the damage their words or unkindness can bring. I have the scars still, thirty-some-odd years later. I have memories I'll never share with anyone because I'm too ashamed. And it's happening to another generation. There are other ways to deal with someone who is a little different. Hurting them isn't the answer -- getting to know them is.

For now, I want to keep the world away from her, even though that's not realistic. I'd do just about anything to take away that pain.