And I believed right!

We did do it again soon. Another comfortable evening, another sweet kiss. But I'm getting ahead of myself....

I had a couple of hours free tonight, so he invited me over for dinner and sitcoms. A blissfully normal evening. And get this -- he cooks. For real. I mean, mashed potatoes from scratch cooking. I don't think I've had that since my great-grandmother passed away. I was raised on Hamburger Helper! Anyhow, asking me to join them (he and his son) for dinner was last-minute, meaning that this homemade meal was already planned and wasn't a special effort for me. WYSIWYG, I'm tellin' ya.

I have to be a little careful when we're with his kids. They are adults. While they are not closer in age to me than he is, I understand some of their frame of reference, thanks to my own kids. For instance, I know the current band names and the popular "classic" bands. I can go on and on about classic punk with his son....but he is clueless as to what we're talking about. It's a thin line to toe....conversing with his kids while not alienating him. Careful, careful, Blogget-girl.

So, we relaxed for a little bit, with a couple of sitcoms. I hadn't watched Monday night TV in awhile, so he had to fill me in on the shows. We talked a little more about movies we've liked, and what our work week is going to be like. I enjoy that he remembers what's going on with me, and asks about it specifically. Very nice.

Then, I had to get home before my own kids made it home. He walks me to my car again. What makes his kiss sweet is how he looks at me, touches my hair and smooths it aside, and holds my face in his hands. His gaze takes in my eyes, cheek, hair, chin, mouth....as though he needs to take in every detail and remember this moment. Tonight's kiss had a little more passion with it, wrapping me up in his arms and holding me close. Very, very sweet.

We'll do something nice next weekend, he promises. But can he see me sooner than that, too?

Oh yes, I think I can work that out. Even though I didn't understand it at first, I like this pace. So far, I am glad to follow his lead.

Moving on....at a different pace

I couldn't afford the whole spa day yet, so I just did some things for myself. I did get my red restored, with some gorgeous highlights. Did some Super Duper Conditioning Treatments on my long curls, while re-reading The Time Traveler's Wife. I LOVE that book.

It was a bright spot in a horrific couple of weeks. My ex remarried last year (#3) and she's been a horror, trying to use my children as weapons, and my ex is her puppet. Hell, he regurgitates everything Rush Limbaugh says, so you can imagine how he is with someone he actually lives with. What was a cooperative relationship a year ago has been reduced to me demanding to be contacted only via my lawyer. It's disappointing, but I don't back down.

In the meantime, I've found another bright spot. I think. It started as a blind date. This guy is a teacher and coach. I thought I had the type pegged, preparing to fend off the hands of the jock-mentality. We had a nice dinner, staying long enough to tip the waitress extra for taking her table too long. We talked about exes and kids. I watched him during dinner. Could I fall for this one? He's older than me. Tall. Football player stature. A little rough around the edges. Talks a little too much, but doesn't fill silences well. He's very WYSIWYG. He's funny, and we have common interests. The date ends after dinner, walking to our respective cars.

He hugs me goodnight. And that's it. He doesn't try to kiss me. He doesn't try to touch me. Just a hug goodnight. I figure....well, that's that. I don't float his boat.

But he calls again. Can we meet for drinks during the week? We do, and coincidentally bump into his parents, who are a very sweet couple. Helen and Troy. No kidding.

Again, we walk to our respective cars. Hug goodnight. No kiss, no other touching. This strikes me as odd.

But he calls again. Dinner and a movie this time? I think, here it is! A dark theater and I know what he has planned. He'll hold my hand, put his arm around me, want to kiss me.....the usual things people do in the dark.

Guess what? Nada. No moves towards me during the movie, and none afterwards. We hug goodnight, and this time he adds a kiss on my cheek. It's sweet, and catches me by surprise. I watch him head to his car and have to wonder, What's your deal?

I talk to a friend about it. "Is he gay?" my friend asks. This friend is someone who has been trying to get into my knickers for months (but we work together, yada, yada). Anyhow, I don't think so. He must be interested, or he wouldn't keep asking. He's a gentleman at all times.

So, dinner and a movie tonight ended up being pizza and dvds at his place. His movie collecting includes action and comedy, even romantic comedy. He picks a romantic comedy I haven't seen. I'm thinking, a snuggle on the couch? No....he has recliners, not a couch. Oh brother.

The evening wraps. He walks me to my car, talking about when we can get together this week. He makes the move to hug me goodnight again....but it changes. Ah-ha.

He is not gay. He has a lovely, sweet kiss.

"That was nice, " I said, smiling.

"We'll have to do it again soon," he smiles back. And I do believe we will!

Resolution, part deux

So my alter ego gets an IM out of the blue -- from guess who?

A-hole has a brand new Yahoo ID -- calling himself "hotrod" (IRL he goes by Rod). I guess pretending to be single and 6 years younger, while pulling your boxers up to your armpits, qualifies as "hot." I wonder how long until that ego suffocates him in his sleep?

He asked my alter ego to meet him for dinner, so he can explain the "long story" behind the ID change and the profile being deleted. I'm sure is an enthralling tale.

She told him to go eff himself. I'm so proud!

Yeah, that spa day is sounding better and better....

The resolution?

I'm not sure if this is the end of A-hole, but something has blown him out of the water. His online dating profile has been disabled, or made "private." You can see some of it, but the picture is gone now.


This happened just after my alter ego stood him up at the alternative indie rock night. I wasn't sure if the profile was just down for review (which happens each time you change something in it), but it hasn't come back so someone got frustrated. Haha! Or maybe it has something to do with a letter his wife got, with a copy of his profile in it.... I can't be sure.

He's been playing with fire. In all the wrong places. He's finally gotten burned.

And let the burning continue! Have you all seen this site called Don't Date Him Girl? It's www.dontdatehimgirl.com. Check it out. It's a site where women can post pics and info of these kinds of louses, and the rest of the dating world can search for them. Oh YEAH!

I saw a news item on it, in which they interviewed the proprieter about their security measures, to protect the man's privacy (note: the interviewer was a man). She said if a woman posts the man's personal information - like name or email address - then the woman is banned from the site. What they didn't say is that the woman's login is shut out, but the registration process is so simple that making another is easy. AND -- here's the kicker -- the information she posted stays on the site. They don't remove it or edit it at all.

It's delicious. So, A-hole now has his own little corner of dontdatehimgirl.com. Search for Grand Junction and you'll see him there. I posted it last night and this morning it already had 125 hits. Gotta love that.

I also sent him the classic kiss-off message this morning, finally responding to his "please be my friend" email of two weeks ago. He probably won't read it but it says he's a complete eff-up and I'm way out of his league, so see ya. You blew it, pal.

Oh, and I threw in a little tidbit, saying that in this small town, it was inevitable that I'd run into someone else he's met. And she's pissed to hear he's such a liar, so good luck with that. Paranoia is a lovely thing to instill in a jerkwad.

I feel much better now. My inner bitch can stand down for a little while.

Turn of phrase

I have made a few friends here, including one woman who is an incredible delight to know. She says what she thinks, politically-incorrect and inappropriate as it is. Her kids are grown and I find myself benefiting greatly from her wisdom.

One pearl stuck with the the other day, enough to share. I'm now dealing with two teenagers in my house, each developing into that wonderful independent person all moms hope to have, but dread to see needing you less and less.... Still, you have lessons to impart and boundaries to set, so the Butting of the Heads happens frustratingly often.

I sought refuge from the stresses of momhood and work the other day, in my friend's place of business. While I was there, one of her children called, complaining about the newlywed tug-of-war she was experiencing.

I've often heard the phrase, "Pick your battles," and it's helped me step back from a losing battle now and again. My friend uttered a twist on that phrase that gave me even more perspective, though, when dealing with most relationships.

"Well, darlin'," she said into the phone. "Just choose carefully what mountain you want to die on."

I'll keep that in mind now, too. (except where A-hole is concerned!)

Quick PSA

Most of my visitors see this blog for what it is -- commentary on the foibles of one life, with my twist to it. However, some don't seem to have The Big Picture.

For you, I feel the need to point out the obvious -- that what you read here is a small slice of my daily life. I am a complicated, peculiar woman. If I wrote about every aspect of my entire day, then I would do nothing but, and this would degrade into the painfully laborious. Much as this post is.

Back to our regularly scheduled blog, already in progress.

Have I met him? Well...sorta....

A-hole is having a week away with his kids, apparently. So, in the meantime....

I'm at a new friend's house the other day. She's very preggers and about to be induced in a couple of days. My daughter is going to pet-sit for her, so we're at the house getting the low-down on the pooch.

My new friend's husband is home, but I haven't met him yet. We're wrapping up our chat in the living room when I hear him coming down the hall. Oh, good! Time to meet the new daddy-to-be!

....in all his glory.... Evidently, he didn't hear us there. And rounds the corner completely naked.

He hollered, grabbed for his family jewels as a belated attempt to cover himself, and high-tailed his bare butt down the hall. She shrugged it off. I explained that he need not worry; I'm a remarkably difficult person to shock. We went on our way.

My daughter didn't see, thank goodness.

;o)

The payback begins

So, picture this. A-hole is so wrapped up in being someone y0unger than he really is. This is a 5'10" guy, within 5 months of turning 50, who drives a "family car," thick around the middle, listens to classic rock only, wears boxers that he pulls up halfway to his armpits, and probably wears socks with his sandals. Yet, he presents himself online as much younger, a Master Flirt, talks about how attractive his "shades" are in his pictures, the best kisser you'll ever have....and now he's shaved his head to be "in style". He also wants to frequent the college dance clubs. Ugh.

So, my A-hole-snagging persona drops the name of an obscure alternative indie rock band.

"I listen to them," he says. Yeah. Right.

What a coincidence. They are playing a show downtown. She already has plans to go, she says, but he's welcome to show up, too.

I'm waiting to hear if he did. And how he liked the show. I have this delightful image of his 70s-mellow-music-loving, mid-life crisis, shaved stupid-head stuck among a spike-haired, pierced, tattooed, bouncing mass of much younger humanity. They probably don't even wear any underwear, much less boxers that cover their ribcage.

And he paid a cover charge to be there. Don't feel bad for him being out the cash - he's the first to tell you that, as the owner of a "very successful" business, he can afford it.

More news soon, as I make it....

The psycho bitch in me

So, I have a little psycho bitch in my veins. I can now admit it. Someone has messed with me. Someone has hurt me. I can torment them because I'm smarter. How can I let a chance like that go by?

Obviously, I can't tell anyone I know what I'm doing or they'd be shocked and appalled at me. So, dear diary, I'll spill it to you.

So, A-hole says he "isn't ready" to date and wants to be my "friend" for now. He contacts me once in a blue moon to tell me he's still "decompressing" from dealing with his divorce. The one I know hasn't been filed yet. I know he's lying. He's an Internet Casanova and he's out there trolling, thinking I'll hang out on the back burner.

I don't simmer well.

Why do I think he's lying? Because he has a profile on a dating site and it's riddled with lies and schmoozy language that is even beneath Lando Calrissian. Two can play at that sabacc table. I made up a profile, too. I gave her one of those sexy names men like, a good job, a difficult ex (not a stretch for me to imagine!), and hobbies I know A-hole likes. The capper is that I used a photograph of my dear old friend, who loved flirting online, but hated how men used women. She passed away several years ago, but this is just the kind of thing she would get into.

A-hole has taken the bait - hook, line, and slimeball. He's using the same lines on her that he used on me, but she's not going to be the sucker I was. Everything I suspected about him is true. Which bites, but as the song says, revenge is served sweeter cold. Eventually, she'll find his public information and confront him. But she'll turn out to be married, too, and lying to him.... The tables will turn. He'll be the one looking for that email from her.

Thanks to the idiosyncrasies of Yahoo Messenger's many incarnations, I can have her showing up online at the same time my ID shows up. She types differently than I do, too, and misspells a lot. The editor in me has remembered all of the bad syntax and spellings that I see online, and this woman is going to use them all. We aren't recognizable as the same person.

What goes around, A-hole. I warned you not to lie to me. I'll let my inner bitch out to play.

A hint from the universe

Okay, so, I'm thinking that my "anonymous" commenter is right. I need a break from dating. And the cosmos is backing up that opinion.

The scene: a good-sized social gathering, a recent evening. This man zeroes in on me. He has sweet eyes, is a successful business man, and is attentive. Obviously taken with me, too. I'm showered with compliments and he's expressing an interest in anything that pleases me.

Finally, I hear, "Would you like to go out Monday night?"

"Sure," I say, smiling. We share details and make plans. The evening is winding down and people are making their way to the door.

"So," he says, "you're divorced?"

I nod. "Yes, and you?" I mean, you never know -- never married, divorced, widowed....

"No, I'm married."

Hear that? It's the sound of the universe dropping a stink bomb.

Why I hate dating

So, here's the thing.... The new guy might not be all I thought he was. I hate it when people can't just be honest -- especially about things that are so easy to find out are a lie.

Initially, he told me he was 46. He's 49. Yes, his mother died -- four days before he said she did. When he was on his trip with his kids. I've doubted if the trip happened, but he did have stories about it that make it likely to have actually happened. So, why would he lie about when she died?

And she's his step-mother. Married to his dad for about 20 years. So, I'm not saying he's not as attached as he said, because some people are very close to step-parents, but it's a detail he left out.

He's been married twice, not once. I'm beginning to wonder if this second divorce is really final, and how close he still is to the ex (or almost-ex). He does live in his own apartment, so I know that separation exists. However, she calls and has him pick up things at the grocery store for her, when he's out. Odd.

You know what's really weird? We found two houses here that we liked. If the one we bought hadn't worked out, we would have bought the other one. Which is right across the street from his former home, where his ex still lives. Creepy.

He's stopped communicating as frequently with me. He'll say, "Let's go out Wednesday." When I ask when and where.....silence. Weird. I just noticed he's placed a new profile on a dating site, though. His name is different (not unusual, for safety reasons). His listed age is even lower than the one he lied about to me. He says he's a Gemini, but he's a Capricorn.

How do I manage to attract such stellar examples of manhood? This is frustrating because I really did enjoy spending time with this one. Low pressure, similar goals. Or so I thought....

Does God think he's....

....funny?

I don't think he's funny at all. I think he's screwing with me.

So, I accept that BF is not going to step up to the plate. I start to move on. I find this nice guy and we're starting to hit it off. Thank God, I think.

Then today happens. Guess who has an interview with the place where I work?

That's right. BF does. Thanks, God.

Is it wrong of me to hope that his history of rubbing people the wrong way repeats itself in the interview? What am I supposed to do with this?!

Just when I think things are cruising right along, WHAM! I get a monkey wrench. I could do with a few less of those, but I think my torment is entertaining to someone on the deity level.

Minefields

People say, "Dating is a minefield." Some surprises in dating just happen. You are on the lookout for the things that are red flags -- the things you can't live with long-term. The thing about the real mines is that they are a total surprise, and sometimes stepping on them is your own fault.

I did that. I stepped on a mine, and it was my own fault. I stepped into one of my own pet peeves -- selfishness. And it blew up in my face.

See, I went out with this guy. We've met a couple of times and talked a few. His divorce is less than a year old, so dating is new and uncomfortable to him. Finally, he was ready and he seems quite nice and level-headed, so we went out. We had a great time! We have a lot in common and are comfortable with each other. A very good time.

Here's where the hitch came. He was leaving town for a week, on a trip that had been planned for his kids long before the divorce, so his ex was going, too. Red flag. He said he'd call when he got back. That date came and went. Red flag. Sent him a sweet "Welcome home!" message. No answer. Red flag. Trip with an ex and now he's not calling or writing. Hmmm. Danger, Will Robinson.

Combine that with my history and the deep-seated self-doubt it's left me holding. I'm the one who gets lied to, cheated on, forgotten, pushed aside, taken for granted....blah blah. Of course, he wouldn't call. Of course, he'd get back together with his ex. Of course, he'd never let me know. I wouldn't rank that kind of consideration from anyone.

Looking back, I see my own pet peeve -- "me, me, me" all over the place. I didn't see it then, though. Instead, I wrote one last email, saying, "Listen, I know how it can go. You spent a week with your ex and your kids, and maybe it makes sense to try again. It's just that, if you don't want to see me, please let me know, okay?"

I got an answer back. He apologized for not contacting me sooner, but.... (wait for it)

His. Mother. Died.

His mother died. That's one of the major hits you take in life. I felt like a total heel. Still do. I came across as a total self-absorbed bitch, I'm sure.

Oh, I can hear a few of you now saying, "Yeah, right. You fell for that?" To you I say -- remember who you're talking to. My Sherlockness surfaced and I verified it. This man really did just lose his mother, and I was thinking it was all about me.

KABLOOEY! I stepped on a mine of my own making. I was the one with the red flag.

The good news is that he still really does want to see me. A lot. I told him that this isn't a good representation of who I am, and I've been here for the support he needs. That's helped. That's more like who I am.

Date #3 is later this week. I'll keep you posted

Update from the Western Slope

I just learned that term. Western Slope. I'm a Western Sloper now!

With some time under my belt here, I can honestly say I really like it. I still bleed Lone Star State red, white, and blue, but I like it here. And it seems to like me, too. Even when the temperatures are in the triple-digits, I don't feel like it's that hot. Needless to say, I'm not missing the Texas humidity!

For the most part, then men are friendly, too. I've had a good bit of male attention, which is always nice! They're tall, too! I like tall. I like tall a lot. Nothing significant is going on, just a lot of nice, tall attention.

BF is still saying he'll move here. He also likes to talk to people about buying their houses, when he has no income. After awhile, a girl gets really tired of empty promises and of being the grown-up in the relationship. So, I'm not holding my breath.

Stay cool!
Blogget

So others may learn from my mistakes....

Do NOT ever, under any circumstances, consume an entire "family size" box of jalapeno and cream cheese Poppers all by yourself. At once.

The gastronomical indignities are just not worth it.

And that's coming from someone with no one around to be humiliated in front of.

Mixed bag of Mother's Day

Mother's Day 2007.

Sucks.

Of course, it came as no surprise tht I would be alone on Mother's Day this year. I decided to make it one of those rare days when a mom gets to do only what she wants to do. I thought that would take the edge off of not actually being with my kids today. I miss them so much....

So, I rented a slew of movies that I'd wanted to see for some time, but hadn't gotten around to seeing. I picked out ones with boxes that said things like "heartwarming!", "charming!", "a great date movie!" I bought junk food that I usually don't eat and that I usually have to share when I have it at home. Today, I've had Pop Tarts, Jalapeno Poppers, and fresh chocolate chip cookies.

The food was better than the movies, so far. I just had to give it a rest before my toe ended up in the trigger. "A great date movie," my keister. I just wasted two hours watching two people torture each other in the name of love, and STILL didn't end up together. Where's my tidy, romantic, "heartwarming" and "charming" ending? If I want to experience a heart getting ripped out, I'll think more about BF....

To make matters worse, I'm having some trouble with my son lately. He's knee-deep in teenage angst. Unfortunately, this move has compounded that problem and given him something to angst about. He's decided to punish me whenever he can. He tries to hurt me. Today, he succeeded.

My daughter called this morning to wish me a happy Mother's Day. We chatted and she told me her brother was up, but not doing anything. He even picked up the extension while she was talking, but he said nothing. Mid-afternoon, my phone rings. It's my son, from his cell phone, and I can hear his dad in the background.

He muttered something that sounded vaguely like "hammy murray." I hear his dad's voice again. He speaks up. "Happy Mother's Day." We exchange a little "how are you?" "what are you doing?" I tell him it's a hard Mother's Day. He laughs at something his dad does. "I love you," I say. He grudgingly says it back. And that's it. His dad made him call and he's done.

Yeah, I needed help knowing what it was like to get my heart ripped out today.

So, I hung up the phone and cried.

While I'm sobbing, my phone rings again. I see it's my own mother. I clear up the cry voice and answer it. She just wanted to know how I was doing. On some level, she felt the ripple in the Mom-Force and knew I needed her. And there you have it - the good, the bad, and the ugly of motherhood.

Sometimes, it's a really good thing I don't drink.

Colorado lonely....

I'm in Colorado! I've been on the job for a whole week and my plate is already unbelievably full!

I have a cute little apartment. I'm working on getting a house. I don't have a "real" office yet because it's not ready. So, I'm sharing an office right now. That kinda sucks. I'm way too territorial to do this for long! Especially when I'm coming into someone else's territory. She has been nice and cleared a couple of shelves for me to use, but - at the risk of sounding a little snotty - I'm Administration, for pete's sake. If the people I have to work with are going to take me seriously, I have to have more than someone else's corner and a couple of shelves!

It's absolutely gorgeous here! The weather has been lovely! Here's a pic of one of the mountain ranges that surrounds the town. The thing is that I'm a little lonely. For now, I'm on my own here. Do you know how long it's been since I've been totally on my own, with no family or friends in sight? NEVER. I went from high school, to college in the same town, to getting married, to moving with my own family, to returning home....and by that time, I had children and would never be alone again.

Until now. Until summer, I'm a stranger in a strange world. I'm making my way around, but it feels so odd, so disconnected. I found Wal-mart, Target, the mall, Barnes & Noble, and Borders. I got lost and ended up in a remote, but pretty, part of town. Heck, I haven't found an ugly part of town yet!

And that includes the men! The ones in my age range are generally rugged and TALL. Gotta love that!

I hear some of you making noises, though. "What about BF?!" Yeah, that's a good question. Here's the thing about BF. Every time he's left on his own, he ends up trying to cheat on me or actually doing it. He takes up drinking, smoking, and carousing. Every. Single. Time. He says he'll make his way here...eventually. None of that sounds promising to me...does it to you? Already, I'm getting one-word emails and he stops answering his phone at night. Hmmm....

I'm not sitting around, feeling sad and lonely and obsessing about what he's up to. That's pure torture. If he actually comes up here, then he's turned over a new leaf and left all that behind. We'll see and we'll work with that. I'm not wasting my life, in the meantime.

TTYL, diary.

-- Blogget

A lighter interlude....

On a lighter note, start looking for R2D2 mailboxes in your neighborhood! Check it out:

http://www.theforce.net/latestnews/story/R2D2_Mailboxes_Confirm_Rumors_104142.asp

Isn't he cuuuute?!?! May the USPS be with you! Always!

Home run!

If I can find good housing, then I'm officially headed to location #2 -- Grand Junction, Colorado. They matched the first offer. The community is better. The job is a better advance for my career.

Hopefully, it'll be official soon and I can give notice to my boss here. Watch for the mushroom cloud...he's gonna freak. The entirety of our new system resides in my brain. I don't know who will receive the brain-dump, but they better brace themselves!

In Grand Junction, I'll be the coordinator of their program. That's a big step. I hope I keep hitting home runs all the way....

How do you hit two pitches at once?

(to continue the theme of America's pasttime....)

Last week about killed me. Interviews Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Then, hop a plane on Wednesday and have more interviews Thursday and Friday. It's hard to be "on" for four days! I'm exhausted!

Yesterday, I get an offer from the first set of interviews. Not bad, but I'd rather live in the second location. So, I call them and let them know an offer has been made. They're supposed to call with their offer by the end of the day. That's coming fairly soon.... I hate waiting! I was not built for patience!

So, stay tuned....